How to Be Assertive in Dating

by Artesia Peluso

About Artesia Peluso

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Artesia Peluso began her journalism career in 2006. She is the fashion editor at "PINK Magazine" and has also worked as the arts and entertainment assistant at "Creative Loafing," the associate editor at "Vita Underground" and at CNN as a Network Booking Associate. Peluso has a Bachelor of Arts in communications from Ashford University.

No matter where you are in life, dating isn't easy. And it's rare, at least on the first few dates, that you're able to clearly gain a perspective or relay exactly what type of person you are and what you expect from dating. You could clam up and wait for the right moment to disclose what you want and what you're looking for or you could try being more assertive to gain more balance and respect while on your date.

Follow the Golden Rule: "Do unto others as you would have them do unto you." Reciprocity is key when being assertive. Assertiveness means clearly communicating what you want and need, while respecting the feelings, wants and needs of others. By effectively do so, you maintain balance and help clear any confusion.

Exercise your listening muscles: People want to know that you truly comprehend the message that they're trying to relay. Try focusing on what your date is saying intently and tune out other environmental noise. Rephrase what they've shared with you to show them that you've established an understanding of what they're saying; which in turn allows them to provide clarification if needed.

Mind your mannerisms.: Body language is everything. How you move your body has a lot to do with how a person interprets your confidence, comfort and whether your listening to them. Try to remember to look your date in the eye and respond with acknowledging gestures like nodding you head or smiling. Avoid mannerisms that are negative or distracting like fidgeting, looking at your watch, drumming your fingers or overly paying attention to other people's conversations and what's going on around you.

Never assume; just ask: Oftentimes, dates leave you wanting to know more. And while you won't find everything out on the first date, when your objective is to truly get to know someone, asking questions shows that you're interested. Questions help provide both you and your date with clarity and understanding, so when the date is done, you both know exactly where you stand.

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Tip

  • Being assertive in dating allows you to gain balance and power over your part in getting to know someone. However, never forget to relax and be yourself.