Although arguing is a necessary building block for any relationship, it's the "win or lose approach" to arguing that can get any couple into relationship trouble, according to Judith Sherven, Ph.D., psychologist and coauthor of "Be Loved for Who You Really Are." In the heat of an argument, Sherven notes that respecting one another's faults may actually help you to grow together as a couple, rather than apart. While the reasons behind arguing vary greatly from couple to couple, several reasons appear to be particularly commonplace, showing up time and time again.
When money gets tight, a couple may take financial woes out on one another by arguing more than a couple who doesn't worry about finances, according to a 2009 study conducted by the University of Denver. When one half is not working or making as much money as the other, resentment may build up and explode in the form of argument. Dealing with overdue mortgages and car payments or saving for a child's future college education can also cause fighting.
Raising children can bring on a new host of problems for any couple. Arguing over methods of parenting when dealing with hormonal teenagers, or a child of any age, for that matter, can cause an enormous strain on a couple. Married or not, a couple with kids has gone from focusing on themselves to having a whole other life or lives to take care of. Raising kids is not easy, so disagreements are bound to occur.
Unresolved issues are another source of arguing among couples. People suffering from Post Traumatic Stress Disorder or childhood abandonment may subject their partner to a constant fear of abandonment and lack of trust. These issues are best worked out through individual or couple's therapy.
When thing are going well in a couple's relationship, one or both may result to arguments as a ways to spice things up. This form of arguing is also known as "bickering."
When chores around the home are left to only one half of the couple, resentment may brew. Even little things, like leaving the toilet seat up repeatedly, can be a surefire way to get on someone's nerves. Mud from dirty shoes being tracked through a foyer, or the trash not being taken out can also result in a full-blown fight. By dividing chores equally and logically, a couple is less likely to fight over petty issues that arise from simple home management.
Each couple is different and so the reasons for fighting remain endless. But some may be more off kilter than you thought. A University of Denver study reported that couples who lived together before marriage, rather than separately, were actually more likely to argue after the birth of a child. This conclusion helped to debunk the common myth that it's healthier for a couples live together prior to marriage. According to the writers of the University of Denver study, a person who wishes to "test" out a relationship by living together prior to marriage may actually be showing some signs of mistrust.
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