How to Date an Introvert

by Anna Green

About Anna Green

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Anna Green has been published in the "Journal of Counselor Education and Supervision" and has been featured regularly in "Counseling News and Notes," Keys Weekly newspapers, "Travel Host Magazine" and "Travel South." After earning degrees in political science and English, she attended law school, then earned her master's of science in mental health counseling. She is the founder of a nonprofit mental health group and personal coaching service.

How to Date an Introvert

Introversion is a personality style where the individual gains her energy from her inner resources. In most cases, introverts need alone time to mentally recharge and are often exhausted by too much socialization. Introverts typically prefer one-on-one interactions and may feel overwhelmed at large social gatherings, but they are not shy. In addition, while they may prefer to socialize less often, they are generally not intimidated by meeting new people. They are simply not energized by crowds.

Understand Your Introvert's Energy Drains

When dating an introvert, do not take it personally if he needs alone time; this has less to do with you and more to do with his needs. Rather, he just may need time alone to think, read or engage in a solo activity to regain his energy, explains relationship coach Jordan Gray in "Dating Advice For Introverts: How Being An Introvert Helps You In Your Dating Life," published on his website. Similarly, do not take it personally if your introverted partner limits accepting invitations to hang out with groups of your friends or attend large parties. This is not so much a sign of disinterest, but rather, an actual emotional need since introverts often find group activities mentally exhausting.

Choose Activisties Wisely

In planning dates with your introverted partner, you may want to consider limiting the amount of activities that involve large groups. While your introverted partner may feel comfortable with a dinner party with another couple, she may feel drained by going to clubs, concerts or large gatherings regularly. She may also prefer one-on-one time with you instead of going out with other couples. Since introverts differ in their preferences, ask your partner which types of activities she prefers most. When you do socialize in large groups, it may also be helpful to check in with your partner and agree to leave if she becomes tired or overwhelmed.

Avoid "Fixing" Your Introvert

Introversion is not a flaw or a problem, rather, it's a well documented personality trait. Like any other facet of a personality, such as inventivenss or assertiveness, it is simply a part of the person and not something that you should try, or even can, change. While you may not fully appreciate why your partner gets tired or annoyed by parties, this is simply part of who he is.

Develop Your Listening Skills

If you are dating an introvert, it may be easy for you to inadvertently dominate conversations. This isn't because introverts are less talkative than extroverts or ambiverts, but they are often more conservative with their words. When talking with your partner, make sure you take time to listen, as well speak. If you find your partner does not have much to say, respect that and do not force immediate answers or conversations. Your partner may need time to process what you are saying and consider her feelings on the subject before talking with you. Introverts often like to take time to think carefully before speaking.

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