How to Disclose Past History When Divorced Dating

by Contributor

Knowing when to disclose your past history when you start divorced dating can be like walking on a tightrope. If you tell the other person about your past too soon, you risk scaring them off, but if you wait too long, he may think you're not being honest with him. Finding the right time to disclose your past history will depend upon your feelings and emotions, and how strongly you feel about this new person in your life.

Use your age as a guideline before you disclose your past history when divorced dating. Divorce is quite common with single people in their forties, and discussing your past history might be easier and more comfortable than you think. If you're divorced and still in your twenties, then you may want to be more guarded about your past history with someone new.

Wait until you feel a true emotional connection before you disclose your past history, or even tell someone you've been divorced. Spilling your guts about your awful, messy marriage on a first date may be viewed as simply too much information. The best strategy may be to casually mention that you've been divorced, placing the onus on the other person to ask specific questions.

Avoid becoming emotional when disclosing your past history to someone you are dating. This may be a red flag in her eyes, signaling that you are not ready to start a new relationship because you are still emotionally wounded. At the same time, merely saying "I don't want to talk about it" may be interpreted as another warning sign as well.

Stop yourself from bashing your ex excessively when you disclose your past history. Making nasty, vindictive comments about your former spouse will only make your new friend wonder how badly you will speak of him if this relationship doesn't work out.

Listen to your own feelings and instincts before your disclose your past to someone you are dating. You will know deep down if it's the right time to bring up the fact you are divorced, and to discuss the reasons why. However, if you do make a mistake and tell too much or too little, consider it a learning experience and don't stress out over it.

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Tip

  • Try to avoid mentioning that you're divorced the first time someone asks you to tell them about yourself. Saying "Hi, I'm Joe and I'm divorced" is not a great way to start off a conversation, much less a dating relationship.