How to Learn to Flirt

by Contributor

Want to be noticed by that special guy? Take heart, you may just need to get things going if he hasn't shown interest yet. The good news is that you could probably use some practice with this idea, and the best news is that practicing for it is really fun.

To practice flirting, the first step in charming someone, you don't say a word. Just make eye contact for a few seconds and look away. Look back again, smile, and look away. Remember to say nothing at this point, regardless of the temptation to speak. The first one to speak will energetically be the pursuer, a male role.

This part of practice is not to meet someone, it is to practice being around others and to get confidence. You could practice chit-chat at the supermarket (egg section or vegetable section is best) since it is usually for locals and they won't be put off that you are a stranger. They will likely think that you are from the neighborhood, but only practice swift eye contact and smiling practice at an airport or the mall. I'll explain why later.

After you have done this eye flirting practice a number of times, you should have a bit of confidence to go out doing it. Since the people at the airport are probably leaving and you will never see them again, you can chalk up blunders as good experiences and let them go; you'll laugh at them later! You will know you have it down when you can do it easily and it feels natural to do.

If at any point in the practice you have an uncomfortable feeling, pay attention to that. Always go with a friend. Keep yourself safe, keep eye contact to less than 5 seconds. Any more than that and it is a come-on activity. You are only practicing how to glance with this, and building confidence, which is very attractive in itself.

Once you have a feeling of confidence, you can practice your eye contact and smiling in a shopping mall or supermarket, since you will be moving up a level here in your confidence in human interactions. Shop owners, clerks, and cashiers offer a natural friendliness to practice the chit chat routine without fear. You can leave at any time, and move on to another place to practice.

When you can comfortably chit chat in a local supermarket with any age or sex of person, say in the payment line or in the grocery section, you are ready to try your new skills out at a party, dance, or other socially focused activity. Congratulations! You are now more socially adept, comfortable with strangers, and ready to make friends and influence people! Have fun, stay safe, and flirt away!

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Tips

  • Keep the eye contact in the beginning to 3 to 5 seconds; you are only practicing looking at people and being seen, not trying to pick them up.
  • Building confidence with eye contact and a smile (= approval)helps you learn how to interact from a complete unknown and gain confidence.

Warnings

  • Always focus on your own safety and go with a friend: two females or two males, not intermixed or it will look like you are a cheat.
  • The reason you do not speak is that you are only practicing the ability to look and non verbally let someone know you are aware of them. This is vital to your body language; if you see a bad person, they know you've seen them and then they will likely disappear. If you see a good person, they will respond in kind with a pleasant look or innocent smile back.
  • If you look at someone longer than 5 seconds, it is a nonverbal come-on or even invasive. At the very least it is an invitation for the other person to do as they please back to you.