How to Get Your Man Back After a Break Up

How to Get Your Man Back After a Break Up

by C. Giles

About C. Giles

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C. Giles is a writer with an MA (Hons) in English literature and a post-graduate diploma in law. Her work has been published in several publications, both online and offline, including "The Herald," "The Big Issue" and "Daily Record."

You're pining after your ex -- but you don't know how he feels about getting back together. Do a little soul-searching and identify what the problems in your relationship were, before asking your ex to reconcile. Be prepared to make the effort to show him you are serious about starting over.

Be Your Best Version of Yourself

Think back to what you were like when you first got together with your ex, and the qualities that attracted him to you. Identify how you can make personal changes to benefit your relationship. For example, if you recognize that you are no longer the fun-loving, carefree woman you were when you first met, consider how you can reclaim those aspects of your personality. This may involve making lifestyle changes, pursuing a goal that improves your self-esteem, or even therapy. If your ex sees that you are confident, secure and happy in yourself, he is more likely to want to try again, suggests psychologist Susan Heitler in the article, "How to Get An Ex Back: 5 Essential Steps," for Psychology Today.

Learn From Past Mistakes

To give your relationship the best chance of success next time around, spend some time thinking about what specific issues lead to the split. Clearly, there were problems between you and your man, otherwise you would still be together. Be honest with yourself about what went wrong. Perhaps you wanted different things from life. If this was the case, ask yourself what has changed. If old problems rear their heads again, you will be back to where you were before. If a lack of trust, respect or communication was the issue, consider what changes would have to be made -- by both of you -- to make the relationship work. It may be useful to write down your thoughts, or discuss them with a trusted friend, to help you see things more clearly.

Honest Conversation

You will only be able to get your man back if he wants to come back to you. It's best to get straight to the point: Tell him that you want to resume your relationship and ask him if he feels the same. It's important to be completely upfront with one another about your expectations at this stage. Focus on the future and be clear about what you want, but give your ex the chance to express how he feels too. In the Cosmopolitan article, "How to Get Back With Your Ex," couples therapist Robert Buchicchio recommends using non-threatening statements such as, "It would make me happy if you..." and inviting your man to do the same, to establish what you want from your new relationship.

Make the Effort

If your ex isn't sure if he wants to get back with you, or he wants to take things slowly, give him the space he needs. Keep in touch with him with friendly messages, without putting too much pressure on him. You may have been together before, but you are starting over and should treat this as a new relationship. Show that you mean what you say and are willing to make the effort to make the relationship work. Surprise him with a love letter or a bunch of flowers to show you are thinking of him. Romantic gestures go a long way with men as well as women. Invite him over for a home-cooked candlelit dinner or buy tickets for his favorite band or sports team. Try to relax, go with the flow and enjoy reconnecting with each other.

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