What Do You Do When the Man of Your Dreams Is Dating Your Friend?

by Erica Loop

About Erica Loop

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Based in Pittsburgh, Erica Loop has been writing education, child development and parenting articles since 2009. Her articles have appeared in "Pittsburgh Parent Magazine" and the website PBS Parents. She has a Master of Science in applied developmental psychology from the University of Pittsburgh's School of Education.

What Do You Do When the Man of Your Dreams Is Dating Your Friend?

He's handsome, super sweet and makes you laugh unlike any guy you've ever met -- so, what's the catch? Not only is he the man of your dreams, but he's also the guy your friend is dating. If you're falling for your BFF's boyfriend, figuring out what to do next is key to both your romantic and friendship relationships.

Totally Trustworthy

Acting in a deceptive way and lying is a violation of trust, according to counselor and educator David Bedrick in his article "Building and Repairing Trust: Keys to a Sustainable Relationship" on the "Psychology Today" website. Starting something up with your friend's guy behind her back is a betrayal that can destroy the trusting part of your friendship. Before you decide whether to pursue your "dream man," consider the trust issues involved. Even if you don't go behind your friend's back, she may still feel as though you aren't loyal or trustworthy if you confess your plans for her man.

Assertive Approach

While keeping mum and going behind your friend's back may seem like the easy way out, act like a mature adult and talk to your BFF before going for the guy. Although you'll want to keep the conversation caring and considerate, you also need a streak of assertiveness to get your message across. This doesn't mean that you aggressively tell your friend that you want her guy. Assertive communication is a way of speaking your mind in an honest, respectful way, according to the article "Assertiveness" on TeensHealth.org. Be clear about your feelings, honestly opening up to your friend about what you want to happen.

Is It Love?

When you think of your gal pal's guy as the "man of your dreams," ask yourself if he really is everything that you're building him up to be. In the beginning of a relationship, it's common to idealize the other person, according to the article "Am I in a Healthy Relationship?" on TeensHealth.org. Before possibly breaking up your friendship over a boy, consider whether he's more important to you than your friend. Answer questions for yourself such as, "Why do I like -- or love -- him?" "How well do I really know him?" or "Is this more of a crush than real interest?" If this is an infatuation, and not real interest or love, turn your attentions elsewhere.

Is It Serious?

Does your friend's relationship sound serious? If your friend is casually dating the man of your dreams, she might not care if you step in. This doesn't mean that you should sneak behind her back. Ask her if she's serious about the guy. If she says "no" or that she's just "having fun," tell her about your feelings. Some girls may feel like this is breaking a friend code and get upset or even angry. If your true friend feels that you are a better fit with the guy, she may let go and let you have him.

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