Since 2006, at least two books on the subjects of men and dating have hit it big nationally. Maybe it’s a coincidence that both titles carry advice for women to think like men--or maybe not. To hear both authors tell it, there is a chasm of difference between how men think and how women think, especially when it comes to dating.
According to Samantha Daniels, author of “Matchbook: The Diary of a Modern Day Matchmaker,” most men know and have admitted to her that they’re just not good at dating. The more pressure a woman puts on them to perform, the further they will distance themselves rather than risk failure, whether it be real or imagined. They don’t want women to ask for their phone numbers and to follow up after a date. They want the option of doing that themselves--when and if they want to move forward. If you call him--even if he intended to call you but you beat him to it–you’ve one-upped him and made him feel like he goofed.
Men like challenges. It’s a byproduct of testosterone. Not only do they want the space and the freedom to be the one to make the first phone call, but according to the website eNotAlone, they don’t want a date cornering them by clinging and hanging on to them all night, either, especially in the early stages. They want to be able to chase a little bit. It’s part of their nature. When a woman makes herself too readily available, it’s a turn-off. Men don’t like desperate women.
In his best-selling book, "Act Like a Lady, Think Like a Man," comedian Steve Harvey makes a serious point: men dislike dates that turn into an interrogation even if the questions are mild, genuine and warranted. By coining the term "gold digger," they've warned women away from asking too many personal questions for fear of the label. Women should refrain from asking, rather than risk turning men off--and that's what men want.
In an article in “Marie Claire,” columnist Rich Santos warns women to leave their emotional baggage at home when going out on a date. Men don’t want to tangle with it, especially early on and if it’s particularly cumbersome. Men don’t like to hear how the last guy did a woman wrong, how her parents hate her, or how tough it is to be a single mom. When dating, men want to be fascinated, intrigued and titillated. They don’t want every intimate detail of a woman’s life too soon--especially the negative ones.
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