How to Not Stress About Divorced Dating

by Relationships & Family Editor

Getting back into the dating scene after a long marriage and a messy divorce can cause a lot of stress. You find yourself wondering about how the single life has changed since the last time you dated and whether or not you'll be able to survive. By taking your time, weighing your options and realizing that the dating scene is full of people just like you, you will learn not to stress about divorced dating.

Think about the reasons why you want to start divorced dating. If you're merely lonely, or you miss the intimacy and companionship of your ex, you may still have some emotional healing that needs to take place before you can have a healthy relationship with a new person.

Avoid dating simply because other people are telling you that you need to get out and date. Start dating only when you feel comfortable about it, and not one second sooner. It's all about you and your feelings and emotions, not the expectations of others in your life.

Find out how your children, if you have any, will react if you start dating again. Remember that they have gone through many of the same emotions you have during the course of the divorce, and they may not be ready, even if you are. Discuss with them your desires to start dating again, and be completely honest with them about your feelings and emotions.

Establish your own personal identity before you rush out and get into a serious relationship right after a divorce. The desire to be in a relationship, even an inappropriate one, can be strong right after a divorce, and the chances of such a relationship lasting are very slim. Going through an unsuccessful "rebound" relationship may simply be part of the learning process, so you shouldn't stress if it doesn't work out.

Try not to compare all of your dating partners with your former spouse. If you find yourself saying things like "He treats me with much more respect than my ex-husband," or "She really seems to understand me much better than my ex-wife," you're simply not ready to be in a serious relationship. Get your ex out of your mind, and have fun.

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Tip

  • Be selective when you start dating again right after a divorce. Don't accept the first offer you receive to go out on a date unless you feel a real connection with the person first.