Online Dating Email Etiquette

by Sarah Bronson

About Sarah Bronson

author image

Sarah Bronson received her Master of Arts in journalism from New York University in 2002. Since then her clients have included "The New York Times," "Glamour," "Executive Travel," "Fodor's," "The Jerusalem Report," "ESPN—The Magazine," the "Washington Times" and "Figure" magazine. Her areas of expertise include biotechnology, health, education, travel, Judaism and fashion.

Online Dating Email Etiquette

Like dating offline, online dating can be fraught with etiquette landmines. It is easy, given the anonymity of the Internet, to forget that behind the dating profile and emails is a real person with feelings. In all your interactions on dating websites, act with all the good manners that you would display in person---so that you can maximize your chances of actually meeting face-to-face.

First Email

If someone's profile has caught your eye and you are sending a first email, the goal is to make him or her feel valued. Don't send generic emails that just say "nice profile, let's chat" or, even worse, "can we hook up." Demonstrate that you have read the person's profile, and include comments or questions that show that you are paying attention to what he or she wrote, such as "I love rollerblading, too" or "I'm so impressed that you did Peace Corps -- I'd love to hear more about that."

Response Email

If someone took the time to write to you, it is good manners to write a response, even if it is just to say "thanks for your flattering email, but I don't think this would be a good match." If you are, in fact, interested in learning more about this person, respond in a way that shows you have carefully read his or her profile and email. If you write to someone and he or she doesn't respond, try not to take it personally; many dating sites charge members for the privilege of reading or responding to their email, and this person may not be interested in paying for the service right now.

Honesty

The online dating experts at Match.com say that "honesty is your best relationship tool," and recommend using current photos of yourself and a truthful description in your profile. That goes for emails, too. Although it's smart to present yourself in a good light, don't pretend to be taller, thinner, richer, younger, or better-looking than you really are. Remember your goal of finding a real relationship---and that the person you are emailing wants the same thing, not a fanciful web of lies.

Safety

You aren't under any obligation to divulge your real name, address, phone number or any other personal information until you are sure the other person is a reasonable human being and not, say, a potential stalker. Don't push people to give out their phone numbers, especially if you haven't already exchanged a few emails.

Moving Forward

Once you have exchanged a few emails with someone, don't just "disappear." If you aren't ready to take the next step of a phone call, say that. If you aren't interested in pursuing a relationship with this person anymore, then write a gracious goodbye. If you have started dating someone else you've met offline, explain what happened and wish the other person well.

View Singles Near You

Photo Credits