How to Reject a Crush

by Janoah White

About Janoah White

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Janoah White has been writing professionally since 2006. With a Master of Arts degree in journalism from Columbia College Chicago, White's work has been included in various print publications including Columbia College Journalism Department newsletters and "Trumpet Newsmagazine," as well as in several online publications.

Crushes can be difficult to deal with, although sometimes they can be fun and exciting. However, for every crush a person has, there is a person on the other end who may not have the same feelings as her admirer. It’s never easy to reject a person, but it sometimes has to be done. There are ways to do this with tact and respect.

Always be honest. Never lie to someone who is crushing on you or lead them on. If there is a female who likes you, but there is no possibility that you will ever get together, don’t leave her with the false hope that maybe one day things will change. Don’t lie just to “spare her feelings,” because if she finds out, she will be more hurt that you lied. If you don’t want to be her friend, don’t offer to “just be friends.”

Be kind. Just because you don’t like a guy doesn’t mean you have to be cruel to him. Respect his feelings and respect him as a person. This doesn’t mean you have to walk on eggshells while around him, but be careful when choosing your words if there is ever a case where you have a face to face conversation about how he feels for you, so as not to seem harsh or cruel. Never make something like this into a game or play with someone’s feelings. While it may make you feel cool to know that you are liked and admired, it’s just wrong to abuse someone’s feelings for your own amusement.

Make your boundaries clear. If you are in a relationship, say so and be clear about it. If you don’t think it’s a good idea to hang out, say so. If you have a crush that continues to come on to you after you’ve said “no,” and it makes you uncomfortable, be firm in stating that you do not wish to date them and ask to be left alone. Being kind doesn’t mean that you allow a person to disrespect your wishes or your boundaries. A person could become obsessed with you, and in some situations that could turn out to be very scary. You may want to keep your distance from the person as well. This doesn’t mean you run from them or feel as though you have to hide, but if there is a situation where your boundaries are not being respected, maybe you should try to avoid being in the same social circles with this individual.

Don’t allow yourself to feel guilty because you don’t share their feelings. Sometimes, individuals tend to feel bad that they’ve hurt someone’s feelings. However, if you have no romantic interest in this person, you should not feel bad, because you’ve done nothing wrong.

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Tip

  • Consider friendship, only if you don’t think it would be too awkward. Often times, people never really get to know the person who they have a crush on, or vice versa. There could be an awesome friendship possible, if the person with the crush can get past their feelings. They saw something they liked in you in the first place; there could be a chance that they have qualities you like too. Just because you don’t have a romantic interest in them, doesn’t mean you can’t be friends.

Warning

  • Be wary of individuals who don't respect your boundaries. Crushes that become obsessions could prove to be dangerous. If you feel you are being stalked or the situation scares you, follow your instincts and tell someone you trust. Alert the authorities if necessary.