How to Rekindle an Old Flame

by Contributor

Getting back together with a long lost love might seem to be a dream come true. For many people, there's no substitute for that first real love. But if you want to reactivate an old relationship, you'll need to take it slow. Things aren't always the same the second time around.

Make sure you really want to recreate that old relationship. Maybe you're just feeling sorry for yourself because the guy you were dating dropped you. Or perhaps you're in a sentimental mood because of a high school reunion or a friend's wedding.

Set yourself up for success before you make that call. That's done by not expecting anything. You may be holding on to a 20-year-old fantasy about the other person. In the interim, he's changed and you've changed. Neither one of you are those pictures in the yearbook. Keep things to the present.

Act with integrity. If you find your old love is firmly entrenched in a happy relationship, don't try to break it up.

Invite her for brunch or lunch instead of dinner. Daytime dates don't hint of romance, so you'll both feel more at ease. Try to keep the conversation light and easy.

Be mature when you finally sit down together. You're not a silly teenager any more, so don't act like one.

Remember why you broke up in the first place. It could have been something as simple as going to different colleges, or something more sinister, such as cheating. You don't want to put yourself back on that path.

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Tip

  • If you're trying to reunite with an old flame, but have no idea where he is, try MySpace or Facebook. You can also check with your high school or college alumni department.