There is no set time frame for remarriage after the death of a spouse. Only you can decide when the time is right to begin dating again, and possibly remarry. However, there are some critical things to consider before bringing someone new into your life after your husband or wife has died.
Consider the Timing
Dating and marriage are two different things. Ultimately dating may lead to marriage again. In between the death of your spouse and the time in which you begin dating is a good time to re-evaluate who you are and what you need mentally and emotionally from a new relationship. Before you begin dating you want to make sure that you are comfortable being yourself and that you are able to bring only you and not your emotional attachments to your deceased spouse into a new relationship.
Consider the Kids
One very important factor to consider when thinking of remarrying is your kids. Just because you are ready to make that big commitment doesn't mean they are. Make sure that your kids get the proper grief counseling and time in which to heal before bringing someone new into their lives. This is a very sensitive issue and you may need counseling to best deal with your children in this circumstance.
Consider All Possible Changes
Remarrying after the death of a your spouse can completely turn your world upside down. This isn't necessarily a negative thing, but it is something to be aware of. For instance, if the person you are remarrying has a possibility of having to relocate for work, you need to decide if that is a good move for both of you. You may not want to be away from your deceased spouses family, especially if you have children who need their grandparents. Or if you have always been a stay-at-home mom but will now need to work because your new husband's income will not provide for an extended family. It is important to consider all of the major factors in both of your lives before going into a new marriage.
Consider the Home
Often times the home in which you and your deceased spouse lived is the one place that remains sacred. This is also a place that may hold too many sentiments to just let go of right away. If you remarry you may need to consider selling the home. If you have children that have always grown up in that home, they may not be ready to leave. They have already lost a parent, loosing their home may be another emotional blow to them. On the other hand, the person that you are remarrying may not want to live in the home that you and your previous spouse lived in together. Where you will call home is a major part of the decision when trying to decide to remarry.
Traditions begin at the start of any new marriage and it may be difficult to blend your old traditions with new ones. If you have specific traditions that you and your deceased spouse did together, consider altering these traditions for your new spouse. If these traditions involve children, be flexible and make sure that they change only enough to transition in the place of the new spouse. If you are childless it will be easier to completely do away with old traditions. However, if you have a yearly tradition of spending every Christmas holiday in Hawaii and your new spouse spends every holiday with his family, it will be important to know and discuss these issues during your courtship.
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- couple against the sky image by Galina Barskaya from Fotolia.com