How to Repair the Relationship After a Breakup

by Christy Bowles

About Christy Bowles

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Christy Bowles has 15 years of experience in the field of education, with 10 years working in mental health and wellness. She specializes in the treatment of depression, anxiety and substance abuse, with a focus on alternative treatment modalities. Bowles holds a Master of Education from Harvard University.

How to Repair the Relationship After a Breakup

Most couples experience difficulties in their relationships, but serious issues might result in a separation or a breakup. If you've experienced a breakup, and you're considering a reconciliation with your partner, it's important to reflect on the issues that led you to terminate your relationship. Rekindling a romance often requires a great deal of effort, honesty and patience, and both partners need to be willing to make changes in any problematic behaviors. A conscious effort to communicate openly and enjoy each other's company can ease you and your partner toward renewed closeness.

Communicate openly with your partner about your plans and goals for renewing and improving your relationship. If you decide to reconcile your relationship, it is important to define the strengths and weaknesses of your partnership. Build on your strengths and set goals about how you want to improve any difficulties. For example, if your strength as a couple is that you share responsibilities evenly, you should continue to work from this strength and remind each other of this positive interaction. Goals to improve issues that cause conflicts should be clearly discussed and a plan should be outlined about how you will address these problems if they arise in the future.

Plan pleasurable activities together and enjoy each other's company. When you're trying to reconcile after a breakup, it can be a sensitive time for both you and your partner. It's important to enjoy your time together and remember why you decided to have a relationship. Feeling grateful for your time together and focusing on positive experiences can ensure that you've overcome any lingering resentments.

Set a timeline to assess your progress and discuss any improvements or continuing concerns. It's important that you and your partner agree on a timeline for any improvements you'd like to make in the relationship. For example, if your breakup was caused by problems with anger or conflict, you might set a goal to reduce the amount of arguments and make a concerted effort to use healthier communication skills. After a month or two, you can follow up and honestly discuss how you're both progressing with these goals.

Seek professional help if needed. Some couples seek counseling with a couples' therapist to work through past issues and improve their communication. If your breakup led to ongoing resentments, you might both find that discussing the past issues with a therapist will help you work through any ongoing anger and create the possibility of improved communication and trust.

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