Being the one to end a relationship can sometimes be more painful than being on the receiving end of the breakup. There will always be a sense of freedom and relief, but you might feel pretty guilty and empty, too.
Remember you have been unhappy or unhealthy enough to make the decision to break up. Write down what it was that made you that unhappy or unhealthy and read those words when you start to feel bad. It may be your key to survival.
Be with friends who love you unconditionally. Try to stay away from someone who might have a negative opinion on the break up. Your true friends will support your decision and help you move on.
Talk about it. Whether it's with a school counselor, a friend you trust or even your mom, get it out. Hearing what has hurt come from your own lips can be amazing therapy. You may just be surprised at what you have survived already! When we keep stuff inside and only think about it, sometimes we can minimize what we are feeling.
Understand that it takes six months to mentally adjust to a new social situation. You may need that long to unravel, especially if your lives were entwined for a long time. Like a death or a birth, a breakup is a life changing event.
Think twice before you rescind, no matter how hard they beg to get back together. Go back to the list you made. Loneliness is painful--but so was the relationship. It is like quitting smoking; your weak moments are when you need to be the strongest.
Get busy with life. Do something you have always wanted to do and let yourself enjoy it thoroughly. The more time you spend not thinking about what happened, the faster you will recover. If your ex sees that you are moving on, they will be more motivated to move on too.
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- If your feelings are overwhelming, it is important to seek out professional help.
- If your ex threatens suicide and you are concerned, you need to let authorities know. It is not your responsibility to take care of them. A suicidal person has an illness and unless you are a doctor, you are not the one to make them better.
- If your ex threatens violence, you need to protect yourself. Talk to the police and let them know your situation. Try not to be alone at home until you are sure you are safe. There are places to protect you, talk to your local police, social workers or minister.