How to Turn a Friend Into a Lover

by Contributing Writer

About Contributing Writer

I have a jd in law, mba, and master's in psychology. Have written over 200 articles published at associated content site listed above. Also write poetry at poetry.com, and was given editor's choice award twice by them. Love traveling, writing, singing, and running, as well as dancing.

Friendships are a wonderful thing. Friends stand by you in times of need, go with you to events, and generally put meaning into your life. Often, you may have friends of the opposite sex. After getting to know an opposite sex friend, you may find yourself feeling attracted to the friend and considering turning the friendship into a lover, and having a relationship.There are many things to think about before making this move, and then ways to make it happen once you've decided you wish to make a friendship into more. This article will explore these ideas of how to turn a friend into a lover.

Items you will need

  • good head on your shoulders
  • good heart
  • good intentions
  • cautionary stance
  • willingness to take risks

Decide what it is you are looking for in a relationship. Perhaps you want someone who is honest, reliable, and enjoys the same activities you do. Come up with the personality traits and characteristics that would make for a meaningful relationship for you.

Look at your friend and determine if your friend has these traits. It's important if you are going to take the risk to turn a friend into a lover that you first discover that your friend has what you are looking for. If the two of you aren't on the same page, and you move into being lovers, things will most likely end quickly. Then, you'll have a lost a potential friendship that could have lasted for a lifetime.

Find out what traits your friend is looking for in a romantic relationship. Your friend might want a girl who is very feminine but also can be a tomboy, and you see that you are like this. Maybe your friend is looking for someone who is very mannerly, yet you are rough around the edges. Think about these things first before deciding to bring up the talk of a romantic relationship.

Find out if there is a mutual attraction. More than just having traits and characteristics that you each desire, there has to be a spark. Although there may be people in sparkless marriages that last many years, it is always good to have chemistry. Otherwise, you're basically just friends who are married.

Look for signs that your friend wants more than a friendship from you. You might see that your friend sits very close to you when you sit down to watch a movie together, or that quick gazes at each other seem to last longer. The body language has gone from just whatever to the friend turning towards you and looking at you more often while you are talking.

Ask your friend how they would feel about becoming involved with a close friend. If your friend immediately says that there is no way they would entertain this, without a second thought, your friend probably isn't on the same page as you are. However, this doesn't mean you couldn't still take Step 7 and find out directly. It may be that your friend just hasn't thought about it and would be open to it. If your friend seems open to the idea, it might even be that the reason the friend is open to the idea is because the friend might be thinking of you in this way.

Come out and directly inquire as to whether your friend has ever thought of making things more than friends between the two of you. You could be nonchalant about it, and casually find out what your friend thinks about you, and whether there are any romantic feelings there. Or, you could straight out ask your friend if there are feelings of romance brewing.

Decide together that you might want to take things to the next level. Talk about the repercussions and advantages of becoming more than friends. Discuss how you would handle things if the relationship didn't work out, or you discovered that you really didn't have the feelings necessary to become lovers.

Ask the friend out on a date, or initiate the first step such as kissing. You already have places you go together, so find a way to let the friend know that this would be a date so you can try out taking things to the next level. Or, just gaze into the person's eyes, and then move in for the kiss! You can read body language to see if your friend is open to it. If you're sitting beside each other, and looking at each other, it could even just happen naturally without much effort on either of your parts if you're both at the point where you want things to move forward!

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Tips

  • The best way to start into a relationship with a friend is to be open and honest about everything as you proceed to the next level. Make sure both of you are comfortable in moving past friendship before you take that step.
  • Being friends with someone first can make a great relationship later. You already know the person and what to expect. However, sometimes, once you've been friends for a long time, it's hard to change things to romance. Be prepared that it just might be weird, or that it would take some time getting used to the change in the relationship status.
  • If you don't take the risk to find out if there are mutual feelings of attraction, you may never know. Your friend might be too shy to say something, or afraid of risking the friendship. But think how better things could be in the future if you are able to develop a relationship from a great friendship!

Warnings

  • Make sure you really think hard and make a wise decision before turning a friend into a romantic relationship. Good friends are hard to find, and there's a good chance you'll lose the friendship if the relationship ends.
  • Be prepared for rejection if it turns out that your friend doesn't feel the same way about you. Don't let it jeopardize the friendship if the feelings aren't mutual.
  • Even though most friends have good intentions when moving to the next level, and promise to remain friends if things don't work out, it is often hard to go back to being just friends after there has been a romantic relationship. This is especially true if one person still wants the relationship and the other wants to go back to being just friends.