A kiss is a sweet and intimate moment between two people who share a mutual attraction. The first kiss can be a scary proposition, considering you may not know for sure if it will be accepted or reciprocated. This fear of rejection can delay you from taking your relationship to the next step with the object of your affection. Worse, anxiety based on an irrational phobia may also be present. The trick to overcoming either is to work on the root cause of your fear.
Shut Down the Internal Critic
You may be nervous about kissing because you feel inadequate. Perhaps you worry that you're not good looking, skilled or desirable enough and your kiss may be unwanted or rejected. Replace any negative thoughts such as those that do nothing more than reinforce these fears. Remember that the things you tell yourself have power. Any internal dialog that says you are not good enough needs to be replaced with words that reaffirm your self worth. This retrains your inner critic to say positive, encouraging things rather than destructive, negative things, and ultimately boosts your self-confidence. This often has the added benefits of increasing your desirability and attractiveness.
Take Care of Yourself
Make sure you have a kissable mouth by brushing your teeth regularly and using mouthwash to kill germs and give you fresh breath. Carry mints on dates where you know you'll be eating. Be studious about your hygiene. By removing these worries, you'll feel more confident about getting close to the person in whom you're interested. Excellent hygiene also encourages you to smile widely and often, which boosts your attractiveness and communicates your interest.
Take Your Time
There's no right or wrong way to kiss, because each person has specific techniques and preferences. Take your time to learn what her preferences are and notice any cues to indicate that your kiss would be welcomed. If she's interested, she'll respond positively to an inquisitive hug or touch rather than pull away. Touch her face, lean close and use light, short kisses at first, only graduating to more intimate contact based on her response.
When to Get Help
Philemaphobia is the irrational fear of kissing, which may stem from emotional issues such as worrying about germs or feeling that this type of contact is "dirty" or "sinful." The fear of kissing may manifest as obvious physical cues you may not be able to control, such as sweating, nausea, an urge to flee or even a panic attack. This level of anxiety requires a little more time and information to cure, so seek help from a therapist to get to the root of your phobia.
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- Psychology Today; Kissing; Mark Sherman, Ph.D.; October, 2010
- Philemaphobia: Philemaphobia Information
- The Science of Kissing: What Our Lips Are Telling Us; Sheril Kirshenbaum; 2011
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