How to Achieve Romantic Relationship Closure

While it’s easy to laugh at jokes about people needing to get relationship closure, finding yourself in this situation isn’t so funny. Simply deciding to end a relationship doesn’t mean that your feelings magically disappear. Additional factors, such as being dumped or growing apart, can intensify your desire to obtain closure. Learn how to settle your feelings in order to move forward on a positive path.

Step 1

Say goodbye to the relationship. Getting rid of physical objects that remind you of your ex can help you move forward. It can also help if you change up your normal routine. This may include throwing away pictures or getting a new haircut to symbolize the new you. Avoid clinging to items such as old letters, as continuing to cherish these mementos only makes it harder to progress.

Step 2

Commit to letting go of relationship baggage. Realize that harboring negative feelings can take its toll on your emotional state. It can also make it more difficult to enter into future relationships, as clinging to issues can make you bitter. Find quiet moments to confront your feelings regarding the breakup. Writing your feelings in a private journal can make it easier to remain honest. This also allows you to track your emotional state over time. Engaging in stress-relieving and esteem-building activities can help you stay focused on accomplishing your goals. Examples include starting an exercise class or joining a band.

Step 3

Make contact with your ex for the sole purpose of addressing and hopefully resolving your issues. Explain that you wish to discuss emotional issues relating to your previous relationship and breakup. Express your desire to engage in a mature dialogue that won’t dissolve into verbal warfare. Arrange a meeting at a time that will be distraction-free. Ask the burning questions that you simply “must” have resolved, while actively listening to responses. Bringing a list of questions and discussion topics to the meeting can help keep you focused.

Step 4

Address your feelings with a trusted friend. Understand that your ex may be unable or unwilling to meet with you, as it can be difficult to revisit old wounds. Choose a friend who will listen patiently, without judging your emotions. Explain your current situation along with your commitment to letting go of emotional baggage. Listen to his advice, while attempting to apply it to your situation. Selecting a friend that has knowledge of your past relationships may streamline the process.

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  • Realize that your ex may not have all the answers you seek.


  • Avoid contacting your ex if you don’t feel strong enough to endure her honest answers.

About the Author

Mika Lo has been producing online content since 2005. The majority of her work has been published in areas such as parenting, lifestyle and health. Lo has also assisted with the development of community and hospital-based patient education programs, including creative discharge classes for new mothers and assisting underprivileged patients with medication assistance and information.

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