How to Ask a Gay Guy Out

As intimidating as asking someone out may be, it is always best to have made an effort and been rejected, rather than never having tried at all. Making that first move with confidence is key. In addition, eye contact, a friendly demeanor, a smile and a sense of humor are all advisable. The point is to go out and take a chance. After all, you never know, if things go well, this date may turn into the love of your life.

Find the man you wish to ask out.

Assess his situation. Is he with friends, is he alone, or is he already spoken for?

Approach the man confidently. Hold your head high, do not avert your eyes, and be sure to smile.

Look him in the eye and make verbal contact by saying hello and introducing yourself.

Make physical contact if appropriate, such as shaking his hand.

Compliment him. Say something nice about his clothes or his features. Perhaps tell him that this is why you noticed him.

Offer to buy him a drink if you are at a bar. This will further send the message that you are interested in him romantically.

Ask him on a date. Be sure to be specific and to the point. Do not just say, "We should get a drink sometime," as it may sound noncommittal. It's better to say something like, "We should get a drink at Sidetrack on Thursday."

Wait for his acceptance or rejection. If he accepts, tell him you are looking forward to it and casually make an exit. If he rejects you, do not be bitter and do not take it personally. Thank him for his time and walk away.

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  • A sense of humor helps puts you and the other man at ease. Try making him laugh.
  • If you are at a bar or a club, dress classy. You will attract more men with a necktie than with cargo pants.


  • Do not ask if he is gay. The question comes off as insecure and may be offensive.
  • Do not ask someone out if you are unclear about his sexuality, unless you are sure that asking in error would not result in verbal or physical harm.

About the Author

For three years, Etch Tabor worked as the technology and online editor at "InsideCounsel" magazine, a national publication for in-house counsel. He currently is a full-time freelance writer, specializing in legal, technology and comedy writing. He graduated in 2004 from the University of Missouri-Columbia with a degree in journalism.

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