How to Ask Someone on a Coffee Date

A coffee date can provide a low-key bonding opportunity.A coffee date can provide a low-key bonding opportunity.

Whether your interest is recent or long-simmering, asking someone out on a date remains among the more stressful experiences in life. Fear of rejection can keep you from getting to know someone better, and may also stifle your chances of developing a serious relationship. Practicing your approach ahead of time can help you pick out any flaws, as well as build your confidence before the big day.

Step 1

Pick a time and place for your coffee date before you approach a prospective date. This shows her that you are serious about the date, and it takes the pressure off her to plan the date for you, according to the Emily Post Institute. You might ask her out by saying, "I've heard you say great things about that new coffee shop. I was hoping I could try it out with you on Friday night."

Step 2

Mention that you are going to get coffee, and invite him to join you, advises social psychologist Jeremy Nicholson in the "Psychology Today" article "5 Ways to Indirectly Ask for a Date." This less direct method of asking someone out can help both of you feel more at ease during the conversation because it feels more casual. For example, you might say, "I was going out for coffee tomorrow night. Would you want to come along?"

Step 3

Explain the benefits of going out on a coffee date when you do the asking. This can serve as an incentive to say "yes" to your invitation, according to Nicholson. You might say, "I have heard that the new coffee place down the street has great mochas and desserts. If that sounds good to you, maybe we could grab a bite and a drink there tomorrow afternoon."

Step 4

Invite your date out for coffee as part of a group, including both her friends and your friends. Group outings can relieve pressure and make each of you feel more comfortable during the outing. If you are still getting to know one another, you may each feel safer with familiar people around, according to

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  • Avoid any manipulative tactics to ask her out on a date. Pressuring her or showing possessiveness or jealousy may ensure that a date never comes to fruition, according to Nicholson.

About the Author

Candice Coleman worked in the public school system as a middle school and high school substitute teacher. In addition to teaching, she is also a tutor for high school and college students.

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