How to Begin to Trust a Person Again After They Have Hurt You a Lot of Times

Determine whether you can open your heart up to a person again.Determine whether you can open your heart up to a person again.

When you feel betrayed by a person, the entire dynamic of the relationship can change dramatically. Someone you once felt warm and caring about can begin to seem like a distant stranger after they have hurt you a lot of times. Yet if deep down you really want to give the person another chance, you can learn how to trust again.

Step 1

Trust your own mind. After you have been hurt so many times, it is only natural that you may be overly protective of your emotions. This may cause you to be overly suspicious and doubtful of another person and his intentions as a defense mechanism. Trust yourself and your gut feelings first in order to proceed in rebuilding trust with a person.

Step 2

Speak to the person who hurt you. If you want to get on the road toward healing and rebuilding a trusting relationship, communication is absolutely necessary. Make sure that the person who hurt you is genuinely apologetic for what happened and engages in direct eye contact with you. Ask yourself if you believe she truly feels regretful and will make a true attempt to change permanently. The only way you can move forward with someone who betrayed you is if this person honestly acknowledges what they did to bring upon the circumstances.

Step 3

Clarify the situation. Whether the person has continually cheated on you or betrayed you in some other way, get everything out into the open. Do what you need to do to clear the air so there are no lingering questions. For example, find out how many times the infidelity occurred. Discover the trigger for why the person you trusted talked behind your back. Get to the root of your pain to find your way out of it successfully. This process may take a long time, but if you can rebuild your trust again, it will be worth every single second.

Step 4

Commit to each other. If you and the person who hurt you want your relationship to survive this situation, make a pact with each other to move forward. This pact should stipulate that the person who hurt you completely cease the problematic behavior, and that you should honestly try forgiveness. Make a commitment that you will not hold the other person's behavior against him if he makes a true effort to change and improve your relationship.

Step 5

Determine exactly what you want out of life. Decide to stop reveling in misery and tell yourself you choose a life of joy and moving on from sorrow. If you constantly feel upset and depressed about a situation, you prevent yourself from truly being able to progress and leave the past in the past.

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  • If you are experiencing difficulty getting over your feelings of betrayal on your own, consider professional assistance. If you're dealing with infidelity in your relationship, look into getting couple's counseling with your partner.
  • Be patient. Gaining trust in someone again isn't an overnight process. If you are truly dedicated to the idea of regaining trust, persevere and allow time to gradually heal your pain.

About the Author

Lars Tramilton has been writing professionally since 2007. His work has appeared in a variety of online publications, including CareerWorkstation. Tramilton received a bachelor's degree with a focus on elementary education from Kean University.

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