How to Get Your Boyfriend to Understand Your Needs

Your relationship improves when your boyfriend understands your needs.Your relationship improves when your boyfriend understands your needs.

Trying to get someone to understand your point of view isn't always easy. Add the complexities of a romantic relationship to the mix and it can seem downright impossible. Communicating your needs to your man doesn't have to be so difficult. The key is to be patient and try several different strategies until you find the one that works for your guy.

Step 1

Start with subtlety. Some guys respond best when they are dropped hints, rather than feeling like they are being nagged. If you love flowers, walk up to them on your next trip to the grocery together, take a big whiff and say, "Gee, I love flowers. They make me so happy." Subtle comments don't always work, but they're worth a try before moving on to more involved strategies.

Step 2

Smother him with kindness. If he's not understanding your needs, use the opposite logic and become more pleasant. When your needs aren't met, frustration likely builds up in the relationship. Less tension between you might cause him to feel more open to understanding your point of view.

Step 3

Treat him the way you want to be treated. Whatever your need, give this to your partner. If you need more help around the house, ask him where he needs help in his own life and volunteer your time. If you just want him to care about your problems, then ask him about his worries and truly listen to what he says in return. Good-hearted guys want to please you, so lead by example and show him you understand his needs.

Step 4

Be upfront. Sometimes being subtle isn't enough to get your point across. At times, it's best to be straight-forward with your partner. What strategy you use is dependent upon both of your personalities and your history. Guys are typically wired to want the facts and get down to business, so just tell him you love him and list out what you would like to change. Explain the logic behind your requests so he better understands where you're coming from.

Step 5

Visit a counselor together. When needs go unmet for long periods of time, resentment can build up. What starts as a small problem can grow many layers and lead to unnecessary breakups. If you're fighting more with your partner or becoming increasingly distant, suggest that you see a counselor together and get on the right track.

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  • Think of a comparison to something your boyfriend needs when trying to have him understand yours.


  • Don't approach your boyfriend about issues when he seems stressed or overwhelmed. Wait until he seems relaxed and receptive.

About the Author

Based in the Midwest, Gina Scott has been writing professionally since 2008. She has worked in real estate since 2004 and has expertise in pop culture and health-related topics. She has also self-published a book on how to overcome chronic health conditions. Scott holds a Master of Arts in higher-education administration from Ball State University.

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