How to Break the Ice & Get a Girl Interested

Weight the risk versus reward when deciding to approach someone.Weight the risk versus reward when deciding to approach someone.

Dating can be a tumultuous and confusing affair. Most people are filled with self-doubt and self-consciousness while misreading intentions and cues. This happens most often in the beginning stages of any relationship. Knowing how to break the ice and get a girl interested in you involves exuding confidence without appearing creepy, something that is easier said than done.

Step 1

Approach the girl in her group of friends with confidence. A girl you are interested in is likely to be with others. Rather than waiting for that perfect and unlikely moment when she is alone, approach the set as a whole. This makes a strong statement that you are a confident individual, which is very a very attractive characteristic.

Step 2

Talk to the group with an opener. Rather than an introduction, start with a conversation that immediately engages the group. Ask the group its opinion on a hot topic. One such issue is relationships, since people of both sexes tend to have strong opinions on them. For example, mention that your friend thinks that dating more than one girl is fine, but most girls seem to think it's wrong. Then ask for the group's opinion.

Step 3

Charm the group while showing disinterest in the girl you are interested in. Focus your attention on the group in your conversation and offset this by acting a little cold to the girl. This projects confidence, treats the girl differently than she is accustomed and piques her interest because, like all humans, girls tend to want what they can't have.

Step 4

Look for cues of interest. Leaning in, playing with her hair, facing toward you, uncrossing legs, laughing at poor jokes and dilated pupils are all signs of attraction and interest. By keeping on the lookout, you know when you are at a transition point to move on to the next stage. If you aren't there yet, keep trying to woo the group.

Step 5

Separate the girl from the group. Try asking her to get a breath of air, or have her come along with you to get a drink. If you are able, continue this trend by leaving to a new location entirely. This subjectively gives her the feeling that she has known you longer than she actually has because each move is like a different experience with you. It also gives you opportunities to talk with her alone.

Step 6

Boost your social standing in her eyes as you talk with her. Use stories to get to know each other, but make sure you interject stories that make you look good in her eyes. Project ideals like being a leader, having a full life and having goals. Also subtly discuss your previous relationships and mention how you have had experience with beautiful women and are unashamed of the fact. Lastly, project that you are a caring individual who is willing to look out for your friends and loved ones.

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  • The key to all of this is confidence. If you do not have any confidence, fake it by communicating it through posture and body language. Lean back when you talk to people and project your voice. Don't be afraid to take up space and don't be afraid to touch people when making a point.


  • You will not master these techniques immediately. A part of social mastery of any kind is constant practice. You will be nervous, and you will fail, but see these as indications of progression rather than barriers that hold you back.
  • Try not to sound conceited or boastful while telling stories that improve your social standing. This is a delicate balance that can only be mastered by continued practice. Never try to pretend you are someone you are not just to impress a girl.

About the Author

Biju Sukumaran graduated from Texas A&M University with a degree in philosophy and religious studies. He has been published in "Agora," Texas A&M's journal for humanities and has written freelance Web content for a year, writing everything from travel articles for hotels to fire safety articles. He has taught philosophy, ethics, social science, religious studies, and English conversation and writing classes.

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