Write down an answer to the question: “Who am I?” Take a complete, honest inventory of who you are from the inside out and what makes your presence stand out in a crowd, advises Phil McGraw in his book “Love Smart." Be specific. Instead of writing “I am a good person," define what that means, clarifies Joy Brown in “Dating for Dummies."
Improve what you can about yourself, and embrace what you can’t. For example, if your posture is slouched, engage in core exercise classes to help correct it. Even partial improvement can boost your appearance, self-esteem and health. As for qualities you can't change, like your height, it is time to accept yourself unconditionally and make the most of it.
Make an extensive list of characteristics you want in the man of your dreams. In the February 2008 issue of the “Oprah Magazine," life coach Martha Beck recommends letting go of anything transient or changeable, like the car he drives. Focus instead on the deeper qualities. McGraw says you should also write down the deal-breakers, those attributes you will not live with or compromise on.
Find out where men with the characteristics you want hang out, and spend time in as many of those locations as you can. Go alone if safe, or with a friend or two at most, and change companions to bring out different aspects of your personality.
Make your looks irresistibly attractive to your Mr. Right. Dress and be groomed in a classy, yet comfortable, style. Have good eye contact during a conversation and maintain an open, relaxed body language.
Put him in the center of your attention. Self-disclose no more than 25 percent of the time and listen attentively throughout, McGraw suggests. It’s best to arrive at a date prepared with 10 interesting questions you can fall back on should you feel at a loss as to what you can inquire about. Use follow-up questions when you feel he can elaborate on an answer. Remember, you are out to enjoy your time together so relax into being yourself.
Sway the man of your dreams to commit to you. Let him know who you are on a personal level before you begin to move fast in your relationship. Maintain your independence instead of instantly attaching to him. Consider becoming friends first and continuing activities that are independent of your relationship. So your Friday night out with the girls is still on.
Maintain a strong, healthy relationship and get busy with being happy. Ask yourself what his needs are, and if you are able and willing to provide what he needs for the long stretch. Communicate to him with words as well as actions that you understand what he needs, that it makes sense to you and that it is your priority as well.
- The man of your dreams will most likely not match 100 percent of your wish list. Aim at an 80-percent match, with the remaining 20 percent as areas of likely growth. Make sure the deal-breakers you specified are not part of those 20 percent, McGraw warns.