How to Come Out of a Breakup

Coming to terms with a breakup can be an emotional experience.Coming to terms with a breakup can be an emotional experience.

Whether you were the one blindsided or the one who opted out, a breakup can be difficult for both partners. The range of subsequent emotions -- anger, sadness and loneliness, to name a few -- are all part of the grieving process. You may struggle to accept that everything you had planned together is not going to happen. Even independence can feel strange because you used to be "the better half." Coming to terms with your breakup is a challenge, but there are things you can do to recover.

Understand that your feelings are normal. You need to accept that it is likely to be a while before you are completely back to yourself. Breaking up from a serious relationship takes some getting used to, whether you instigated the split or not. It is natural for you to feel angry and confused, as is playing the breakup over and over in your mind, according to the Helpguide website.

Try not to dwell on why your relationship ended. What's done is done. Concentrate energies on moving on, instead of thinking about what you could have done differently in the past, think about how you will do better in the future. Dwelling on your ex is counterproductive, as is obsessing about what went wrong or who did something wrong, advises the MSN Lifestyle website.

Turn to positive-thinking family members and friends you trust for emotional support and understanding. Breakups can leave people feeling negative about themselves so spending time with people who love you should help improve your mood. You can also be honest with family and friends. There's, no need to hold back or pretend your fine. Talk to them, no matter how silly or stupid something sounds, get it all off your chest. It will make you feel better.

Make new friends and meet new people by taking up a hobby, joining a class or putting your name down for volunteer work, says the Helpguide website. Unfortunately, a breakup may not just see you lose a partner. A loss of friends is also common. Making new friends gives you a fresh start and something else to focus on other than the breakup. New friends and interests will also leave you with less time to think about your ex.

Make sure you look after yourself, both physically and emotionally. Eating healthy food and exercising regularly can help lift your mood. Skipping meals and being inactive is an invitation for depression to set in. Looking after yourself can improve how you feel, which in turn increases your confidence.

Learn from your experience but do not let it mark your future. Gradually, as time passes, you will begin to feel better about your relationship ending and may even see the positives of it. You could even end up on amicable terms with your ex. Remember the positives from the breakup, such as learning you can cope on your own and knowing now you are a strong person. You do not want to carry any negativity into new relationships or tar future partners with the same brush.

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  • Do not be afraid to cry, scream, shout or whatever it takes to get your emotion out, recommends the Willis-Knighton Health System website.
  • Do not run head long into a new relationship, you will need time on your own to get over this relationship before you are emotionally ready for another one. While rebound relationships may do wonders for your confidence, they do little for your reputation.


  • Avoid turning to alcohol or drugs in order to numb the pain you are feeling. These are temporary fixes and do nothing but leave you with a possible dependency.

About the Author

Residing in Blackpool, U.K., J.L Grayson-Avery has been writing since 1999. As a reporter her articles have appeared in "The Blackpool Gazette" and "Blackpool E" magazine. Grayson-Avery received a Higher National Diploma in journalism from Glasgow University.

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