When you have found out that your boyfriend has lied to you, you may want to confront him in the heat of the moment. However if you focus on the fact that he lied more than why he lied, the conversation can be counterproductive towards your relationship. The best way to deal with the situation is to speak to your partner in a calm and rational manner. You may be hurt but if order to reveal the reason for his lying, you must not let your anger control your emotions or the conversation.
Destress. Trying to confront your boyfriend when you're upset will muddle your message. Men often find difficulty talking through issues when their partners are agitated, so give him and yourself a better chance to work through your issue.
Sit down with your partner once you have calmed down from the situation. Turn off all distractions such as cell phones, televisions and computers. You both need to focus on each other.
Don't attack your boyfriend. This means do not place blame or point out his misdeeds. Men often shut down in relationships when they feel attacked, which can lead to him becoming defensive and may lead to counter attacks, denial and hostility. This will not progress your conversation and may make things worse.
Don't focus on the fact that he lied or used deception. Phrase what's bothering you in the least judgmental way possible. Focus on your feelings. For example you can something to the point of, "I found something that is bothering me. I'm upset about it, and I wish to discuss it with you." Showing that you are open to communication may help him to relax, allowing him to use his natural male preference for problem-solving. Pointing the finger and blaming him can cause him to clam up.
Focus on explaining how you feel. It may be easier for him to listen and hear what you have to say since you are not dwelling on his wrong doing. Speak calmly and directly -- men look for straightforward and level communication.
Do not assign blame, try not to make many "you" statements. Phrase your sentences with "I feel" or "it makes me feel." He may empathize with your position. Once you have completely stated how you feel, allow him to speak uninterrupted to express why did lie. Adopting this stance allows you to be more assertive, which men respect and value, especially in relationships.
- Directly confronting your boyfriend can lead to more fighting, conflict and deception. In order to full address the problem, both parties must be willing to listen and communicate.