You have to put aside your own anger and hurt feelings in order to listen carefully, if you want any chance of saving the relationship.
Leave ego and pride at the doorstep.
He needs to hear that you need him, not that you'll be just fine without him. Both your ego and pride will prevent you from saying these types of things when you are trying to convince him to stay.
Keep your opinions to yourself.
. . for now. When he says that you are not supportive but you feel as though you have stood by his side even when he was in the wrong, now is not the time to voice that opinion.
Let him finish.
This is a hurtful matter and he will say hurtful things. Your knee-jerk reaction may be to vehemently defend yourself before he finishes speaking. Doing this will only make him close up emotionally.
Tell him how much you love him.
You may say it to him every day but he needs to hear it in a way that shows how strong your love is for him. For instance, if you still get butterflies in you stomach when he kisses you even after 10 years together, tell him.
Put down your defenses.
This is tough when you are hurting because you instinctively want to protect yourself from any more heartbreak. Being vulnerable is necessary in this situation because it allows you to be emotionally open.
- Stay in the moment. Letting your mind wander to how your life will be without him will only intensify your already raw emotions. Staying in the moment will make you focus on the issue at hand.
- Be honest and sincere. He will know instantly if you are saying things you don't really mean or making promises you know you can't keep. Insincerity and dishonesty will only drive him away.
- Don't attack him or his feelings.
- Don't crowd him. If he needs time to think things over, let him. If you refuse to let him leave until the matter is resolved, then you aren't respecting him or his space.