How to Date an Intellectual

Dating an intellectual can be an enjoyable experience.Dating an intellectual can be an enjoyable experience.

Dating is a very stressful activity for most people, especially in the beginning stages of the relationship. Trying to put your best foot forward while evaluating the personality of the other person is difficult. If you are attracted to someone with vastly different interests than you, the challenges can be amplified as it may be harder to find common things to discuss. Intellectual types may have extensive reading lists and talking points that are hard to grasp, but that doesn't mean the relationship can't work. Dating an intellectual requires some patience and a willingness to explore new ideas.

Step 1

Visit bookstores, museums, or a university library. You're more likely to meet someone who enjoys intellectual pursuits in these environments and you already have something to talk about: the book one of you is holding or the exhibit you've both just seen. Consider also taking a university course where you can meet new people who share some of your same interests.

Step 2

Suggest going out for coffee. Coffee is a quick stop and low-stress way of continuing the conversation. While talking, try to gauge if your date is also curious and wants to continue learning. According to, smart people who lack curiosity could wither intellectually over time.

Step 3

Show interest and ask questions about subjects your date brings up or has a passion for. Be sure to share your own thoughts and ideas; this is a date and not a lecture. If he or she is not showing interest in your views or is talking more than listening, perhaps it is not a good match.

Step 4

Challenge your date. Go somewhere neither of you has been before so you can share in a new experience. If your date has a view that you disagree with, present your own point of view. Some people feel threatened by intellectuals and accept what they say as fact. That can make for a boring relationship.

Step 5

Show your sense of humor. Discussion based solely on intellectual subjects can get dull regardless how smart either of you is. If you can't make each other laugh, it might not be a good match.

Step 6

Expand your intellectual connection to other aspects of your relationship. Therapist Steve Sisgold stresses the importance of intellectual, emotional and physical intimacy in the article, "How Compatible Are You Two?" published in Psychology Today.

View Singles Near You

Click Here


  • Never try to be someone your are not just to impress your date. You will have the best chance of a successful relationship if you date someone who values you and appreciates your own unique qualities.

About the Author

Michael Davidson started writing screenplays in 2003 and has had a screenplay professionally produced. He has also studied martial arts since 1990 and has worked as a licensed security specialist. Davidson has written articles for various websites. He is a graduate of Michigan State University and holds a Bachelor of Arts in advertising.

Cite this Article A tool to create a citation to reference this article Cite this Article