How to Date a Passive Man

When dating, we are always looking for that perfect match. Some men out there are what would be considered alpha males, i.e. the more dominant, aggressive males. You also have passive males. If you are a female who is accustomed to dealing with alpha males, here are a few steps to follow to date a passive man.

Gather a thorough knowledge of the passive male's mind-set. Understand that a passive man does not necessarily equate to a "soft" man or someone who is a pushover. It simply means that in cases where most would tend to get into a confrontation, he will first try to defuse the situation. It does not mean that he will not defend himself or avoid confrontation when it is needed.

Be the decision maker. Assume that you will more times than not be the decision maker. When dating a passive man, he will ask you where you want to go out, what you want to eat, etc. Even if he makes the final decision, it is rare that he will not first seek your opinion.

Avoid Irritation. Try not to get irritated by how nice he is. If you get sick, he may continuously ask you if you are OK and may want to pamper you, which you may find exciting at first. If you are not the type of woman who likes being pampered, then that excitement will fade very fast and will turn into irritation.

Practice having patience. Do not get frustrated if he does not understand where you are coming from if an argument should occur. His questions may seem annoying to you, but understand that he is just really concerned and is trying to fully understand why you may be angry and whether it is his fault so that he does not do it again.

Let him know that he is appreciated for the things he does for you. Remember that he is passive and therefore if something is bothering him about your relationship he may not come right out and say it. Offer your support; he may begin to feel underappreciated if you do not offer positive reinforcement.

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  • While you may become frustrated while tending to his passive nature, try not to treat him like a child.
  • It is helpful to share your feelings and opinions with him. Be mindful that the passive person you are dating is an adult and can handle adult emotions; however, it is best to present your opinions in a nonaggressive tone. This technique allows him to process fully what you are saying instead of prompting him to focus on the aggressive tone first.


  • Some men may hide their true ways from you. Only time will reveal whether your date is a truly passive man and not an aggressive man with an agenda.

About the Author

Khalidah Tunkara is an accomplished freelance writer and journalist based in Atlanta, Ga. Tunkara began her writing career in 1994 and attended Georgia Perimeter College. Her articles have appeared in "The New Trend," "Atlanta Journal-Constitution," and Trails Travel. Tunkara is the featured Headline News writer for the Examiner.

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