According to author A.
J. Mahari, it is important that you are aware and accept that that the person you love suffers from a Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD). This relationship may become conflictual because a person with BPD struggles with intimacy and trust issues, and feels like she cannot rely on anyone. Therefore, she may demand certain things one minute, yet still feel that you may never meet her expectations, and withdraw further from the relationship. According to Mahari, a former sufferer of BPD, this can begin the cycle of codependency.
Mahari writes about the importance of developing boundaries.
It is important you keep your own identity and interests and that you always take care of yourself first. She stresses the importance of helping your partner by lending physical assistance, but not enabling her emotionally by preventing her from doing what she is capable of doing for herself. This often happens with personality disorders, because we want them to recover, so we try to help them by dictating what they should do. However, sometimes we try to change them too much and even lose sight of ourselves in the process.
According to BPD Central, do not allow yourself to be sucked into the games of the BPD sufferer, and do not accept and listen to his anger and accusations, even when they are repeatedly directed at you.
Confront him from your perspective, using “I” statements, but do not accuse him, as this will make him more agitated and unreasonable.
According to BPD Central, there must be love and compassion for this relationship to last.
You should not have to be intimidated by your partner or walk on eggshells around him. However, it is important to show patience and understanding, and remember he experienced a great deal of inner turmoil in the past and does not realize how he is acting towards you.
According to Mahari, you need to be able to let go.
For some, this means letting go of the illusion of a healthy, perfect partner, and accepting her the way she is. For others, it may mean terminating the relationship, no matter how painful it may be.