How to Deal With a Crush on a Really Quiet Guy

Calm, relaxing dates work best at first with the quiet guy.Calm, relaxing dates work best at first with the quiet guy.

A quiet personality in a man can create feelings of frustration in a woman who is attracted to him. A woman may have problems getting to know a quiet guy leading to her feeling insecure and not sure of his interest. She may not know how to gain intimacy with him, causing her to end the potential relationship and find another. Relationships with quiet partners often take time to develop. Crushes on quiet guys can turn into deep relationships with effort.

Step 1

Accept the silence. Quiet people will not suddenly become loud and flamboyant any more than the life of the party will become the wallflower. If the crush is a strong one, acknowledge that this is a character trait of the person you like and make a resolution to refrain from trying to change the person into someone more outgoing. This acceptance will be evident to the guy and can make him more receptive.

Step 2

Don't pressure. Starting out as friends can help couples learn about each other. The lack of pressure in a friends relationship can help a quiet guy open up and also help him learn to trust before a more risky relationship is attempted. Don't ask intrusive questions at first. Keep everything on a superficial level to avoid him becoming intimidated.

Step 3

Listen closely when he speaks. Quiet personality types are more of the thinker types. They tend to ponder what they say before they say it. Don't brush off his opinion on something, even if it differs from yours. Acknowledge that his opinions are different but equally as important. Don't downplay his thoughts or feelings about situations and ask him to tell you what he is feeling. He may need some prompting to open up, but prompt slowly so he doesn't get overwhelmed.

Step 4

Take the initiative. Quiet guys are often unsure of their reception with women and having one take that first step for him may help him understand that you are interested in him. Ask him out for low-key events such as a coffee date or a walk in the park. They might not be super exciting dates, but these calmer choices may help him loosen up by giving him a chance to understand more about you.

Step 5

Avoid crowds or wild venues with which he may be unfamiliar until he is more comfortable with you. Ask him what type of events and pastimes he enjoys, and plan several dates around his interests. Move up to more lively events slowly, unless he suggests it.

Step 6

Figure out socializing ground rules. Don't rush him into meeting your family or your friends -- especially those who have more lively or loud personalities. If you have a social function you've committed to attend, let him decide if he wants to accompany you.

View Singles Near You

Click Here


  • Proceed slowly with the relationship. Quiet guys tend to spend a lot of time thinking about possible outcomes and scenarios; don't overwhelm him with too much too fast.

About the Author

Georgia Dennis has been writing since 1995, specializing in the areas of education, behavioral sciences, canine behaviors, human resources and language development. Her work has been published in literary journals, magazines and in print. She is also suspense novelist. Dennis is pursuing her Bachelor of General Studies, with an emphasis in writing and psychology, from Indiana University.

Cite this Article A tool to create a citation to reference this article Cite this Article