How to Deal With Emotionally Unavailable People

Learn to understand the emotionally unavailable.Learn to understand the emotionally unavailable.

Dealing with emotionally unavailable people can be frustrating and difficult, especially if you are involved in a love relationship with one. People who display emotionally unavailable tendencies tend to be scared of being controlled by other people and "losing" who they are inside of a relationship. In many cases, they reject emotional attachment and caring as a means of protecting themselves. Learn how to deal with people who are emotionally unavailable to you.

Tell him about your expectations. If you are in a relationship with an emotionally distant man, let him know what you want out of him. If he is fearful of getting too close, and you want to take your relationship with him to another level, the two of you are on a different page. Indicate to him what you want out of the relationship, whether it's total commitment, moving in together, or marriage. Ask him if he sees the same for your future together as a couple.

Use logic when you speak. When you are talking to an emotionally distant person, it is vital to talk to her in a manner that she can comprehend. To express yourself to an emotionally unavailable individual, realize that she might not think in "feelings" in the same way that you do. Her brain might operate in a more logical fashion instead. If you utilize logic, she may find talking and opening up to you more comfortable.

Distance yourself. If necessary, you may need to establish some distance (even if it's just temporary) between yourself and an emotionally unavailable person. If you get the impression he cannot offer you what it is that you want, or even if he straight-out told you that, spend some time apart. Hang out with your friends, throw yourself into your career, or begin a new hobby. He will attempt to reestablish a connection with you if he is ready to open himself up to you emotionally. In the meanwhile, you need to move on because if someone isn't ready or willing, you cannot wait around forever.

Choose your words carefully. If you are trying to get an emotionally distant person to feel comfortable talking with you, avoid starting conversations with sentences such as "We really need to talk" or "This is important." These kinds of lead-ins can trigger emotionally unavailable people to clam up. She might feel cornered or pressured by the "serious" tone of the conversation. With a distant person, the goal is to get to a point where she does not fear things (such as commitment) and to not make her feel nervous and pressured.

Be patient. In some cases, emotionally unavailable people have trust issues that come from things that happened to them in the past. For instance, some people may develop a tough and distant exterior due to having been abandoned by a parent as a child. In these type of situations, it might take some time for the person to develop trust and break down barriers with you. If you truly care about a relationship with this person, you need to be patient and allow him the time to really feel comfortable and secure with you.

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  • If a person simply isn't willing to become available emotionally to you, you might have no choice but to cut the relationship off. You cannot force someone to be someone who she is not. If you want to be around an emotionally open person, you might have to look for just that type of person.

About the Author

Lars Tramilton has been writing professionally since 2007. His work has appeared in a variety of online publications, including CareerWorkstation. Tramilton received a bachelor's degree with a focus on elementary education from Kean University.

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