How to Deal With a Man Who Runs Hot and Cold

Couple having serious talk over teaCouple having serious talk over tea

A man who runs hot and cold may have deep rooted relationship issues. Ask open, direct questions about his feelings. Each partner should communicate what type of relationship he or she is looking for, whether exclusive or casual. Be understanding and supportive while a man deals with past issues that may contribute to his back and forth behavior. Relationships require work and it is up to both partners to work together.

Step 1

Ask direct questions about his feelings. Is he looking for a committed relationship or just casual dating? If partners are looking for different things it may be time to reevaluate the relationship. A man who pulls away and comes back frequently engages in what is called a partial relationship, says psychotherapist Rhonda Findling in her article, "Tips On Dealing With Difficult Men," on the A Love Links website. If the woman desires something long term, she should tell him and discuss what the future holds.

Step 2

Show patience and understanding for his feelings. A man who gets close emotionally and then pulls away may have a fear of intimacy, says psychotherapist Sheri Jacobson in her article, "Five Ways to Deal With an Intimacy Phobic Person," found on the PsychCentral website. A fear of intimacy can develop after a childhood trauma, such as his parents' divorce. The woman can encourage the man to face relationship fears by assuring him that she is supportive of him and his feelings.

Step 3

Seek couples counseling together. Counselors act as mediators for a couple with relationship issues, such as one partner pulling away. Through counseling, both partners can understand why each acts certain ways and how to resolve issues within the relationship. Perhaps the woman has always found herself in codependent relationships. Maybe the man has had commitment issues related to a bad break-up that happened years ago. Counseling is a great place for both partners to open up, share issues and find resolutions.

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About the Author

Jaime Vargas-Benitez has been a parenting writer since 2010. She has worked in the child wellness field in various roles for over 20 years. Along with the experiences of raising her own kids, she has been privileged enough to participate in the raising of hundreds of other children as well.

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