How to Be Desired and Feel Desirable

Close-up of young couple about to kiss each other.Close-up of young couple about to kiss each other.

Being desirable to others is something many strive for, but it is just as critical that you see yourself this way. However, it is not always as easy as it seems. By getting in shape, helping others, being confident and using thought replacement to challenge negative thoughts, you can feel more desirable.

Be Confident

Your awareness of who you are despite those around you is a clear indicator of confidence, notes psychologist Mark White, author of "Does Everyone Find Confidence Attractive?" on the Psychology Today website. While you don't want to overdo it and come off as arrogant, confidence may make those around you see you as more of a social asset. Make eye contact, hold your head high and try to speak clearly to those around you. If you can, plan events or start conversations yourself to portray this confidence. And if you don’t feel confident enough, do it anyway. Trying is the first step toward being more desirable; over time you will get more comfortable in this new role.

Get Healthy

Physical health is closely related to attractiveness, note researchers Joseph Nedelec and Kevin Beaver in a study titled, “Physical Attractiveness as a Phenotypic Marker of Health,” which was published in Evolution and Human Behavior in 2014. Take time to care for your body, whether it’s eating more healthfully, exercising or reducing your stress levels. Feeling more comfortable in your own, healthier skin will improve your confidence as well, making you feel more desirable even as others find you more attractive.

Help Others

Helping behaviors make the doer more attractive to those around him, reports a 2013 study titled “Selflessness Is Sexy,” published in Evolutionary Biology. This is likely because helping other people is subconsciously seen as a benefit to future children and long-term relationships. To be more desired, hold open doors, help a potential lover take care of a pet or invite a few friends to hit the food bank to organize donations. Not only will helping others make you more desirable, but you will likely feel better about yourself as well.

Thought Replacement

One surefire way to feel more desirable is to tell yourself you are more desirable. If negative thoughts arise that say, “I’m not attractive,” immediately replace that thought with a positive one, such as, “I am desirable and I am worth loving.” Over time, the negative thoughts will decrease as you learn to change those thought patterns.

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About the Author

Melody Causewell has been a writer in the mental health field since 2001. She written training manuals and clinical programs for mental health organizations. She has published feature articles "Leaven" magazine and has been published in "Natural Awakenings." She has a degree in psychology, a Masters degree in social work and is a La Leche League leader.

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