How to Flirt Without Being Obvious

You can even let your gaze and smile do the flirting for you.You can even let your gaze and smile do the flirting for you.

Many people want to be able to grab others' attention, especially people they're attracted to. The art of flirting involves behaving in a way that catches another person's interest and motivates him to get to know more about you -- hopefully during a first date. Being covert with your flirting gives you the chance to remain more calm, but also be less off-putting to others.

Step 1

Strike up a normal conversation with the person without flirting. This will allow you to get a sense of her personality, as well as whether she is into you or not.

Step 2

Act happy to see the person the next time you encounter him. Keep the conversation fun and light. Ask him a few questions about himself and, if appropriate, offer some colorful commentary that results in some playful teasing.

Step 3

Keep the conversation level, meaning that you both should be talking an equal amount of time. If you feel that you're doing all the talking or that she's putting in a lot of effort, begin asking her some questions. Ask her follow-up questions if her answers are short. Again, try to do this in a lighthearted, conversational manner so the tone doesn't turn serious or interrogative.

Step 4

Focus on your facial expressions. Make eye contact both when you're talking and when you're listening. Try to keep eye contact for at least 2 seconds before looking away.

Step 5

Work in some of your accomplishments and maybe a few embarassing facts about yourself as well. This will show him that you're both human and goal-oriented. You can easily accomplish this by simply noting certain facts incidentally, instead of making them the topic of conversation. For example, if he's talking about a friend who works in advertising, you could say something like, "I hear that's a very interesting field. When I was at UCLA one of my old roommates was an advertising major."

Step 6

Exude an aura of confidence throughout the conversation. This means being sure of what you're saying and sure of who you are. Don't try to mold your personality into hers, simply try to present the best representation of yourself--your whole self, imperfections and all.

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  • If you end up eating a meal with this person, make sure to eat! Your date doesn't want to take you out to dinner just to find out you're so unconfortable and nervous that you can't even eat. Remember, he asked you to dinner because he wants to eat food with you, not to sit there with someone who watches him eat.
  • Treat others as what they are, just people. They're not perfect creatures who know how lucky others are to be in their presence, so don't act as such. Remember that, at the end of the day, it's just two people talking and bonding over commonalities.


  • Remember the difference between confidence and cockiness. Confidence just means being comfortable in your own skin, no matter who you're around. Cockiness implies that you think you're better than other people and want to let the world know.

About the Author

Nellie Day is a freelance writer based out of Hermosa Beach, Calif. Her work can regularly be seen on newsstands, where her specialties include weddings, real estate, food and wine, pets, electronics, architecture and design, business and travel. Day earned a master's degree in broadcast journalism from the University of Southern California.

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