Whether the man on your mind is an ex-lover or merely someone you've been attracted to from afar, you need to get him off your mind so you can move forward with new relationships. Although it is difficult to discipline your thoughts and redirect them in a positive direction, learning meditation techniques can help, as can engaging in activities that will distract you from those unwelcome thoughts of him.
Make a list of specific reasons why you want him out of your mind. If you were in a relationship that is now over, reflect upon the times when you were not happy. If you weren't in a relationship with him, acknowledge the negative effects of being preoccupied with him, such as your inability to concentrate at work or your reluctance to meet someone new.
Avoid places you might have enjoyed together or even listening to music that might remind you of him. Don't dwell on the good times you might have had together.
Enlist the help of family or friends to get you through this difficult time. Those close to you can help remind you of your good qualities and why you should take care of yourself, get over him and leave yourself open to a new, healthy relationship.
Learn some meditation techniques -- such as focusing on a specific object and increasing awareness of your breath -- to help you control your thoughts. The benefits of meditation include increased feelings of well-being and calm, according to the Mayo Clinic website article "Meditation: A Simple, Fast Way to Reduce Stress." You may find that meditation helps you feel content in the present as you are -- without him.
Engage in self-talk that helps reinforce your resolve to move forward. Focus on a short phrase such as "There is no relationship" or "He's so not worth it," and repeat it to yourself as a mantra whenever you find your mind drifting toward him.
Set manageable goals. For example, if avoiding thinking about him for an entire day feels impossible, tell yourself you'll refrain from such thoughts for just one hour, or even five or ten minutes. This technique of short-term delay can be an effective way to break a habit.
Keep busy. Learn a new skill, sign up for a course, join a gym or get a subscription for theater tickets. Elicit support from friends to engage in these activities with you and encourage you to keep going when you feel like bowing out. Have an alternative activity ready whenever you find your mind drifting toward him.
- Psychology Today: 15 Ways to Get Someone Out of Your Head
- Mayo Clinic.org: Meditation: A Simple, Fast Way to Reduce Stress
- Glamour: How to Get Over the Guy You Can't Get Over
- Psychology Today: A Surprising Way to Cultivate Contentment
- Mayo Clinic.org: Quitting Smoking: 10 Ways to Resist Tobacco Cravings