How to Get Over Someone

Confide in friends and family members, not your ex.Confide in friends and family members, not your ex.

A breakup can seem like the end of the world. The person you connected with is moving on, leaving you confused and heartbroken. However, it's important to remember that ultimately you can take responsibility for your own happiness. Small shifts in perspective coupled with new daily habits can help you get over your ex and grow as an individual.

Rely on a Friend

While you were dating, perhaps your ex was also your closest friend — the person you confided in most. Even though it might prove difficult, you must drop this habit to begin the healing process. In her Psychology Today article "How to Get Over an Ex," Ph.D. student Samantha Joel suggests relying on another friend to help you deal with emotional turbulence. For example, whenever you've had a rough day at work, instead of texting your ex, text a different friend, or even a family member. Even when you’re excited to share good news, turn to a friend rather than your ex. This helps break your emotional connection with your ex, while fortifying a friendship with someone else.

Hunt for Positives

Either mentally or on paper, create a list of reasons why you're better off without your ex, suggests sociologist Jen Kim in the Psychology Today article "7 Phrases That Will Help You Get Over a Breakup." For example, perhaps your ex often tried to control your social life or always asked you to pay for dates. Now you can spend more time with friends and save money to spend on your personal hobbies. By shifting your focus away from your losses to your gains, you foster a more positive mindset toward the breakup.

Make It About You

Return to hobbies that used to keep you happy, suggests the University of Notre Dame in "Getting Over a Breakup." Whether you were a video game enthusiast or volunteered at an animal shelter, get back into those activities to rebuild your sense of self. You can also focus more on yourself by learning new skills. Learn an instrument, experiment in the kitchen, try a new workout routine — do things that raise your self-esteem while taking your mind off of you-know-who. If you can find someone to join you in your old or new hobbies, this is also helpful.

Rebuild Your Future

It’s common for couples to plan a future together, and when a breakup occurs, you might feel lost and stranded. Begin to plot out a new future for yourself with new aspirations, suggests HelpGuide’s article “Coping With a Breakup or Divorce.” Ask yourself: “What goals would lead me to a fulfilling life?” Perhaps you want to become a successful writer or help those in need. Whatever your aspirations, list your goals and focus on achieving them, rather than reuniting with your ex.

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About the Author

Mitch Reid has been a writer since 2006. He holds a fine arts degree in creative writing, but has a persistent interest in social psychology. He loves train travel, writing fiction, and leaping out of planes. His written work has appeared on sites such as and GlobalPost, and he has served as an editor for ebook publisher Crescent Moon Press, as well as academic literary journals.

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