How to Get a Guy Out of His Shell

Relationships rely on communication.Relationships rely on communication.

One challenge when it comes to dating a guy is getting him to open up. This obviously doesn't apply to everyone, as some guys are more open than others, Other guys, however, don't come out of their shell very often. To really achieve intimacy, you need to encourage him -- without nagging him -- to come out of his shell and open up to you, thus giving you more of himself and strengthening the relationship.

Step 1

Allow him to be in his element. Everyone is passionate about something, and men will open up more and come out of their shells if they are around this passion. If he loves a certain video game, play it with him. He'll love teaching you how to play it, and since he is opened up to his passion, you can easily segue into other things.

Step 2

Open up to him. Coming out of a shell is a two-way street, and he may not feel comfortable asking you personal questions. If you throw this information at him on your own he will feel more inclined toward giving you pieces of his personal information. Of course, this doesn't mean you should lay everything on him on the second date, but rather you should just give him little pieces of information to see if he bites or not.

Step 3

Say his name a lot. This will show him that he is important to you, which will give him more confidence, which will in turn encourage him to come out of his shell and open up to you. Don't hesitate to use a nickname, which can add a bit of playfulness to your interactions, but try to avoid anything that can be taken as an insult.

Step 4

Ask open-ended questions. If you ask him questions without a concrete answer, he won't be able to shut down the conversation with a "yes" or a "no." Rather, he will have to think about, then express, his answer, and with it his feelings. For example, if you ask him if he likes playing sports, follow up with a question such as, "Why do you enjoy that sport?"

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  • Don't force interactions. If he seems to really want to end a conversation, or his body language reveals tension or annoyance, back off and give him space. Be patient and considerate of his needs.

About the Author

Sam Grover began writing in 2005, also having worked as a behavior therapist and teacher. His work has appeared in New Zealand publications "Critic" and "Logic," where he covered political and educational issues. Grover graduated from the University of Otago with a Bachelor of Arts in history.

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