How to Approach That Hot Stranger You've Been Eyeing

Couple talking on park bench.Couple talking on park bench.

Getting to know someone can be difficult, especially if you have never actually met. When it comes to approaching a stranger, try the Internet, be friendly, start a conversation and use body language to let him know you are interested.

Try the Internet

The Internet has become a growing way to meet that special someone, according to researcher Giovanni Frazzetto in "The Science of Online Dating,” a study published in EMBO Reports in 2010. This means that if you and that stranger have a mutual friend, you might be able to look her up on a social networking site. If she’s a bartender at a local club, look on their page and see if you can connect to her profile. But be honest, not creepy. Instead of, “I’ve been watching you and we should go out,” try, “I noticed you the other night and I thought it might be fun to get to know each other. Do you want to talk on the phone sometime?” Approaching someone online might also take some of the stress off so you can come together without the added pressure.

Be Friendly

When trying to attract a partner, likability is more important than being competent, note Rajat Singh and X.L. Tor, researchers and authors of “The Relative Effects of Competence and Likability on Interpersonal Attraction,” which was published in the Journal of Social Psychology in 2008. Instead of listing every accomplishment from your first prize trophy in the fifth grade spelling bee, just be nice. Tell him you like his shirt, compliment his eyes, hold a door for a friend or help him carry a load of drinks to his table. And if you get nervous, take a deep breath and smile, knowing that approaching is half the battle.

Start a Conversation

You can’t very well walk up to someone and just stand there. Ask her questions about her family, her job and her goals for the future. Ask what she thinks about current events. See if she as any pets and be ready to share pictures of your hairless cat, Fluffy. Be willing to share information about yourself as well, so she sees you as an equal partner in the conversation and not as a potential stalker. If there are other friends around, include them in the conversation and charm the group. If her friends like you too, she might be even more wiling to take your number.

Use Body Language

When approaching a stranger, use body language to show him you’re interested. Stride over with your head high and your arms at your sides. Make eye contact and shake hands firmly. Avoid crossing your arms, which might tell him that you are uncomfortable or not into him. When approaching a stranger, take a deep breath, smile and let your body do the talking.

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About the Author

Melody Causewell has been a writer in the mental health field since 2001. She written training manuals and clinical programs for mental health organizations. She has published feature articles "Leaven" magazine and has been published in "Natural Awakenings." She has a degree in psychology, a Masters degree in social work and is a La Leche League leader.

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