How to Keep Your Emotions In-Check When Dating

Your jealousy could be warranted -- or an overeaction.Your jealousy could be warranted -- or an overeaction.

To a certain extent, you're supposed to be emotional while dating. Feelings of heartache, tenderness, and uncertainty come with the territory. However, if becoming too emotional is harming your dating life, you need to know how to keep those feelings in-check. This doesn't mean ignoring them: Rather, you can learn to re-frame a situation into one you can accept with positivity and grace.

Decide if the situation warrants a reaction. Look carefully at what is actually happening -- not what you think is happening -- and react to that. Often, emotional daters get excited over a situation that exists in their heads, but not in reality. Determine whether sufficient stimulus exists to proceed with an emotional response.

Keep your words free of emotions. This helps you to see the logical way to respond to a situation. Say something like, "I noticed you smiling at Kirk and kissing him on the cheek. Is something romantic going on between you two?" This is an appropriate example if you think your partner is unfaithful. Resist the urge to name-call, insult, or berate the other person with accusations.

Take appropriate action. Make decisions on which actions to take based on logic, not emotions. If your partner is cheating, for instance, it's easy to yell and scream at them, or break down sobbing. Take deep breaths and focus on what you want to achieve with your action, such as a faithful partnership. Keep your actions in line with that goal: It may involve working things out with your current partner, or seeking a new one who will be loyal to you.

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  • If you need to take a break from your date to keep emotions in check, do so. It is better than lashing out and having to deal with the consequences later.


  • If you find you have trouble controlling angry emotions, and are at risk for physically harming your partner or date, seek anger management or personalized counseling.

About the Author

A professional writer for LexisNexis since 2008, Ilana Waters has created pages for websites such as and A writing scholarship helped her graduate summa cum laude from Rutgers University with a Bachelor of Social Work. She then obtained her Master of Social Work from Monmouth University.

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