How to Make a Girl Like You After You Have Really Hurt Her

Man hugging young girlfriend.Man hugging young girlfriend.

Arguments are a normal part of relationships, but sometimes they go too far and you say or do things that really hurt the girl you care about. This doesn't have to mean that the relationship is over. Instead, you can get her to like you again by asking for forgiveness and showing her you understand her feelings.

Forgive Yourself

When you've hurt someone you care about, it's natural to feel guilty. It's even good to feel guilty because it helps you maintain good relationships. But guilt has definite downsides. It can make you avoid the girl you've hurt, which makes it impossible to get her to like you again. In her article "How to Give a Meaningful Apology" for UMass Amherst, psychotherapist Beverly Engel points out that even if you do approach someone you've hurt, guilt can make you focus more on your feelings than hers. Therefore, the first step in getting her forgiveness is forgiving yourself.

Use Your Words

John Kador, author of the book "Effective Apology: Mending Fences, Building Bridges, and Restoring Trust," points out that it is often difficult for people to apologize even if they know they've done something wrong. In his Affluent Magazine online article, "Why Is Apology So Difficult?" Kador states that many people prefer to wait and let the situation blow over on its own. However, an apology is part of the path to true forgiveness. Be specific and let the girl you've hurt know that you understand her feelings. For example, say "I'm sorry that I lied to you. I know that makes you feel disrespected."

Actions Speak Louder Than Words

Although it is important to say that you're sorry, it's even more important to show that you are sorry and that you have changed. To get a girl to like you again, you have to prove to her that you aren't going to hurt her in the same way you did in the past. The best way to do this is through action. Pinpoint exactly what you did that hurt her and decide how you are going to avoid doing it in the future. If you were late for an important event, for example, make sure you are punctual or even early from that point on. If you can show her that you are committed to change, she is more likely to see you in a new light.

Give Her Time

Forgiveness takes time. The girl you've hurt can't truly get over it until she has time to process the pain you've caused her and admit the depth of her anger. Depending on how seriously you've hurt her, that process can take anywhere from a few weeks to a few years. However, it's important to give her that time without pressure. Don't apologize over and over again and don't keep asking her if she's forgiven you yet. Instead, be patient and let her work through her emotions at her own speed.

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About the Author

Kimberly Yates has been both writing and teaching since 1997. She has been published in a variety of magazines, including "The Alfred Hitchcock Mystery Magazine" and "Woman's World." She has a Bachelor's degree in English and a Masters in English education.

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