If you have found yourself in the unenviable position of loving a man who is afraid to commit, you may wonder what you can do to make him love you so much he gets over his fear of commitment. Unfortunately there are no potions or spells you can invoke to make your intended love you as much as you love him, certainly not enough to commit a lifetime to you. All you can really do is learn the language of love he speaks, and grow together in your relationship. He may one day love you more than he fears saying, "I do," but the only thing you can really count on is how you respond in the relationship.
Get to know the reasons behind his fear of commitment. If his parents divorced, he may still be processing the feelings of abandonment he may have felt, and may be unwilling to commit himself to risk being abandoned in the future. Perhaps he simply does not want to commit himself to any one woman. Knowing these reasons can help you decide if the relationship is worth pursuing.
Find out what he wants from his future. It may be entirely possible you may not be going in the same direction he is, and this is better to learn before you both invest any time in imagining a life together.
Don't pressure him to commit. If you decide to stay in the relationship, understand that you are accepting him "as is." If you work too hard to change him, it will drive him away. Instead, give him room to come to these decisions on his own. Take your time and allow him to do likewise.
Live your live independently and live it to the fullest. Do what is necessary for you to become a more whole and fully realized person. The more you need him to fill that part of you, the more pressure it will place on him and make him more likely to bolt.
Don't play games. If you have to manipulate him to be in love with you, he will never get the opportunity to fall in love with the real you. Don't change yourself to be his "dream" woman, because an illusion can only last for so long. If you want a successful, long-term relationship spend the time and take the chances to build a foundation out of honesty and integrity.
- If you have to change him into someone else, perhaps you are better off finding someone whose goals more closely align with your own. Know when to let go of an unbalanced relationship.
- Don't use sex as a weapon. Refrain from playing games like playing hard to get or punishing him for not committing to you. And never, under any circumstances, try to force his hand with the consequences of unsafe sex, such as an unplanned pregnancy.