How to Get Over a Breakup With a Married Man

Overcoming the pain of a broken heart means living in hope and not regret.Overcoming the pain of a broken heart means living in hope and not regret.

The end of a relationship with a married man brings its own set of challenges. Coping with the loss of any relationship involves facing the grief head on, accepting the fact that the relationship is over and reconnecting with yourself and your surroundings. Many married men are quite unlikely to leave the comfort and stability of their families. This phenomenon means that there are trails of broken and lonely hearts left behind.

Step 1

Give yourself time to mourn. In most cases, he would have kept the relationship clandestine to keep his family unaware of the affair. On your part, you may not have made your friends and family aware of your involvement due to shame or guilt. Therefore, you may not have much of a support system to count on. Allow yourself time and space to cry. Find ways to release your pain and anger. Reflect, journal, write a blog, throw paint at a canvas and call it art. Do whatever works. Consider that you no longer have to feel guilty about being a “home-wrecker," as stated in the article "Dating a Married Man," on the Dr. Phil website. This may give you some amount of comfort.

Step 2

Sever all contact. To make the breakup an easing-off type scenario is a huge mistake – it will simply amplify the agony and encourage the man to keep you on as a contingency. You must resist the temptation to pursue him, which you may be tempted to do if he is the one who broke off the relationship, suggest psychologists Carin Perilloux and David M. Buss in the study "Breaking Up Romantic Relationships: Costs Experienced and Coping Strategies Deployed," published in the Journal of Evolutionary Psychology. This means no email, no phone calls, no texts, and no letters. There are ways to block these. Use them.

Step 3

Avoid the temptation to jump back into a relationship too soon. It’s easy to be an “on the rebound” date, but when you are it’s too easy to mistake short-term comfort for long-term commitment. Allow the dust to settle, and give yourself enough time to heal from the hurt of the broken relationship. How long this will take is different for each person. One sign that you're ready to get back in the dating game is when you can honestly acknowledge that you don't need anyone else to make you happy, suggests Therese Borchard in "10 Tips to Mend a Broken Heart," on Psych Central online.

Step 4

Get up and get active. After the set time of mourning for the relationship is over, it is now time to move forward with your life. Consider that he has already gone on with his life. Remember too, that the end of a romance does not mark the end of your life. There is so much to be seen and done. Call up your friends and invite them out or over for a get-together. Spend quality time with your siblings or parents. Play a sport or get back into a favorite hobby. Keep on track with your yoga or fitness routine. These are great for healing your mind, body and soul.

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About the Author

Latoya Newman is a novelist who wrote and published her first novel in 2012. She has a background in education, research and counseling. She taught at the elementary level for eight years, and has a Bachelor of Arts in psychology from York University in Toronto, Canada.

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