How to Get Over a Devastating Breakup

Breaking up is never easy.Breaking up is never easy.

Handling a breakup is never easy, even if you feel like it is the necessary thing to do. Breaking up can be devastating, and at times, you may feel like it is the hardest thing in the world. However, it is important to move on after a breakup and remember that life does go on, and things can and will change.

Allow yourself some time. You cannot expect yourself to simply snap your fingers and be over your ex overnight. Take a break, indulge and feel sorry for yourself for a short period of time, but be sure to limit it. If you have to eat a pint of strawberry ice cream, cry yourself to sleep or scream at the top of your lungs, allow yourself the opportunity but be sure to put a cap on it and do not let it get out of hand. After a while, wallowing in misery will get you nowhere.

Keep yourself busy. Post-breakup, it is vital not to obsess over what just happened. Occupy your mind with pursuing new interests. Take this opportunity to go after things you have always wanted, whether it's taking night classes, learning how to fly a plane or training to run a grueling marathon. Use this change as an excuse to be adventurous and take life into your own hands. Be fearless.

Take care of yourself. During times of emotional distress, it is very common for people to neglect themselves and forget about their well-being. These things will only make you feel worse. Make sure to get enough sleep at night, follow a nutritious diet and get sufficient exercise. Not only is working out good for your body, but it can also help you mentally. Get all of your stress and frustration out on the treadmill or by kickboxing. Put your negativity energy into a good place.

Socialize. Breakups are a transitional period. For a period of time, it can be healthy to avoid thinking about dating someone new. However, that doesn't mean that you have to be antisocial and never leave your apartment. Make new friends. Get out into the world and remind yourself that it's a big place and life doesn't start and end with your ex. Network with new people and perhaps take a chance to strengthen old friendships that were at risk of fading out.

Concentrate on the present. One of the dangers of breaking up is focusing obsessively on the past, the good times and "what could have been." This behavior is destructive and cannot help you on your quest to move on and heal. Take things one day at a time and focus on what you can do in a single day, without overwhelming yourself. Put away any old reminders of your relationship, such as photographs, gifts and cards. Do not touch them until you have recovered and can look at them without feeling grief or pain.

Be positive. Instead of looking at the breakup as an end of something, look at it as signaling the beginning to a new and exciting stage in your life. Think of all of the endless possibilities that await you. Never forget that your relationship is done for a reason. Be happy to end that chapter in your life, for good.

Avoid contacting your ex. Contacting your ex is risky because it can stir up old feelings again and make you feel upset and emotional, when those are the last things that you need right now. Until you are healed, take your ex's contact information out of your email accounts and cell phones. Focus on plowing ahead. Thinking about your ex can just serve as a distraction at this point.

Spring clean. You're cleaning out your personal life, so consider cleaning your life in general. Reorganize your home, tidy up your closets and throw out things that you don't need. Do the same at work. You will be surprised as how much better a thorough and deep cleaning will make you feel -- on the inside.

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  • Remember that time heals all wounds. No matter how much pain you are in, it will always subside. The more you remember that, the easier the breakup will be to handle.


  • If you think you may be suffering from depression, seek help. See Resources for ideas.

About the Author

Lars Tramilton has been writing professionally since 2007. His work has appeared in a variety of online publications, including CareerWorkstation. Tramilton received a bachelor's degree with a focus on elementary education from Kean University.

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