How to Get Over a Man Who Disappears

One minute, he's there, telling you he loves you and making all kinds of promises. The next, he's gone. Not only is he gone, you're not even sure where he is. How could a man who professed to love you and talked to you about having his children and a life together just disappear? It certainly seems strange---even unbelievable---but this scenario plays out every day. It is left to the woman left behind to pick up the pieces and get over the man who disappeared.

Refocus your attention onto something positive. When a man disappears from your life, it can be very difficult to keep from ruminating on the disappearance. You may be obsessed with the fact he left and use time and resources you don't have to look for him and try to find out what he is doing and why he left. This is a waste of your energy, because chances are, he doesn't know why he left. It may simply be a pattern of behavior in his life. Trying to figure out a man who has disappeared is a fool's errand.

Remind yourself of the disrespect involved with this action anytime you are lamenting that he left. Leaving someone with no explanation to worry and wonder what happened is not only disrespectful, but cruel. You are better off without the disappearing man in your life.

Realize his behavior is not personal. It certainly feels personal when a man has filled your ears with lies, hopes and dreams, but men like this have almost always pulled more than one disappearing act. If he is indeed with another woman, he will likely do the same thing again once he begins to feel uncomfortable with the situation. It doesn't take a genius to guess that men who disappear typically have very poor communication skills.

Think about what you have learned and apply the new knowledge. Everything in life is a learning experience. It is said that whatever you don't die from, you grow from. Since his disappearance has not killed you, you are growing from the experience. Growth can be very painful, for certain, but you have learned to recognize a type of man to avoid in the future. A disappearing man is often also known as a commitment-phobe. Relationship expert Toni Coleman points out that someone who is "on and off" or not over a prior relationship can fit into this category.

You'll also likely expect men to back up their words with action and be less likely to fall for empty promises. It's not fair that you had to earn your growth in such a painful way, but it is what it is. Recognizing this will help you to get over this man and move on with your life.

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About the Author

Elise Wile has been a writer since 2003. Holding a master's degree in curriculum and Instruction, she has written training materials for three school districts. Her expertise includes mentoring, serving at-risk students and corporate training.

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