Before you can overcome a love obsession you first have to recognize that you are indeed obsessed with the person who you believe you love. Love is engaging and gratifying, while obsession is overwhelming and draining. Love allows you to be seen for who you are and still be accepted, obsession causes you to see character traits that are not there and makes you think you have found perfection. Love allows a relationship to grow and strengthen, obsession creates an intense feeling to form a premature commitment. When you love you become a lover, when you obsess you can become a stalker.
Stop pursuing a relationship with the person who you are obsessed with. On the popular family sitcom, "Family Matters," there was a character who would often profess that he was "wearing down" his love interest. This wearing down tactic is an easy technique for an obsessed person to pick up; it leads him to believe that with enough effort and persistence he can make her love him over time. In reality, the consistent pursuit only drives your love interest further away.
Control your thinking process. Getting over a love obsession is initially like getting over a heartbreaking break-up. There are going to be multiple times in a day when your thoughts may wander to moments that you used to share, or moments that you wish you could have enjoyed together. When this happens, go with the flow. Allow yourself 10 to 15 minutes to follow this train of thought, then force yourself to stop. Tell yourself that you will have time to think about it later and find something to do that will immediately occupy your time and thoughts.
Start journaling your relationship memories and feelings. Giving yourself a positive outlet for expressing past moments and fresh emotions will allow you to keep a record of what was real and what was perceived. People who get stuck in love obsessions make the mistake of not writing down what actually happened; over time, the obsessed relationship appears to have been without any conflict or signs of incompatibility. Your logs should include specific information, such as the month, year, day and location of your recollection. Having as much detail as possible is important in getting your mind to start connecting concrete instances with what you might have perceived to be timeless and cherished events.
Ask someone close to you to be your support partner. Ideally, this should be someone who knows about your former love interest. Tell her why you are having a hard time getting over the relationship and listen as she gives you her honest opinion. Completing this process can be difficult, as it is a humbling experience to share the truth about your obsession.
Be careful to have a constant communication schedule with your support partner, but don't make these conversations a daily confession.
Enroll in a charitable organization. Every community has nonprofit organizations that need as much help as possible. According to your schedule, plan to volunteer on your free days. This can be during the late afternoons when you might experience a certain loneliness or on the weekend when you would otherwise obsess over being with the person of interest. Focusing on something besides your obsession will help you get out of this unhealthy cycle.
Things You Will Need
- Daily Planner
- Accept the fact that you have more than one soul mate in the world. Although some people like to believe that there is only one person made for another person, the truth is that finding the "one" is a lot like combining beautiful color shades; in each match, there is something unique that the union brings out. This in turn allows each relationship to have its own purpose and form of completion.
- Don't hold on to memorabilia from your former lover. Having old movie stubs, flowers and letters will keep you from completely letting go of an unhealthy relationship.
- If you cannot shake your love obsession on your own, consider professional help.