How to Politely Decline a Second Date

Use a friendly attitude and calm voice to politely decline a second date.Use a friendly attitude and calm voice to politely decline a second date.

Maybe you went on a first date with someone and didn't feel a spark, or felt your personalities clashed. It is often easier to go on first dates or meet new people than it is to turn someone down when he asks for another date. You can politely decline a second date while remaining friendly and preventing conflict. You can use these techniques to decline a date or extend an offer of friendship.

Phone your date to let him know that you had a good time, but you don't feel that you are a good fit for each other. Phoning is easier than telling him face-to-face, and much more polite than sending a text message or email.

Talk about the parts of your date that you enjoyed. Thank him for the time you spent together. If your date was the one who paid, let him know that you appreciated it.

Discuss why you feel you are not a good fit. Make this discussion brief. Leave out any details that may upset the other person. Letting him know why you don't want to go on a second date may help him in the future.

Suggest remaining friends. Many people are able to move from dating into friendship. In some situations, it is easier to be friends or acquaintances than it is to try to work through numerous problems as a couple.

Remain polite and concise through the entire conversation. Even if there were things about the other person that you strongly disliked, it is pointless to act rudely and start a confrontation. Remaining calm helps the other person to realize you are being honest and not looking for a fight.

End the conversation quickly if the other person becomes angry or hostile. There is no need to remain on the phone if the other person tries to initiate a confrontation. Once you have said your part, hang up the phone and move on.

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  • It may be helpful to write a list of points that you'd like to make before phoning the other person. This helps ensure that you say what you need to say. It can also make the conversation quicker and easier.
  • Have a friend nearby for help if you need it. A friend can sit next to you while you make the phone call, or help you work out the details that you would like to discuss with your date.


  • Phone the police if any serious confrontation arises as a result of this conversation. Some people do not handle rejection well, and it always helps to be prepared to reach out for help if the other person becomes hostile or makes threats.
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