How to Get a Really Quiet Guy to Like You

Quiet guys often think no one wants to pay attention to them.Quiet guys often think no one wants to pay attention to them.

Women have always been intrigued by quiet, mysterious types. They wonder about their deep thoughts and private lives, and long to be their one special confidante. Getting to know a shy guy and gain his trust can lead to an exciting and rewarding relationship. Whether you're 16 or 60 you can follow the same rules, using patience and subtlety to get that really quiet guy to like you.

Show interest in what he likes. If he participates in a sport, attend some of the practices or games to watch. If he wears a concert T-shirt to school or work, ask how the band's new album is or when he saw them perform. Quiet guys are often shy and think that no one's paying attention. Asking about his interests will get his attention, and choosing a topic that he's familiar with means you're more likely to get a good response.

Compliment him on both his appearance and achievements. Congratulate him on acing a test or getting a promotion at work. Tell him how great the goal he scored at last night's game was. Admire his new haircut or cool new sneakers. These are all positive ways to let him know you think he's great, and you can see how he reacts to the attention from you.

Listen carefully to what he tells you. When a guy is naturally quiet, instinctively girls will try to fill the silence with their own chatter. Be careful not to get carried away and drown out what he does say. Give him time to answer your dialogue, and pay attention when he does speak. Realizing you care what he says will make him feel appreciated, and can prompt him to talk even more.

Wear an attractive outfit. Just because a guy doesn't talk, it doesn't mean he's not looking. A sexier outfit can grab his attention and get you noticed without having to say a thing. Guys are very visual when it comes to attraction, so look your best each time you see him. There's no need to go overboard and wear trampy clothes or 5-inch stilettos. You want to attract his attention, not the whole world's, and overly sexy outfits might turn him off. Keep things flirty and feminine and leave something to his imagination.

Use subtlety when flirting. Casual touches on the arm or moving into his personal space when chatting are great ways to show interest without being overt. See how he reacts to mild flirtation. If he seems receptive, you can take more steps to make your feelings for him clear. If he gets overly shy about the attention, pull back. It's better to take things slower than make him uncomfortable and ruin your chances.

Make the first move. Quiet guys are often too insecure to ask you out. He may think you are too good for him, or have trouble finding the right words to say to you. Once you get to be friendly and he's being receptive to your flirtations (and is hopefully flirting back), go ahead and ask him out. There's nothing wrong with being assertive, and it lets him know for sure that you're interested.

Try a group outing. Asking him to join you and a group of friends is a non-threatening way to start. A quiet guy will enjoy not being the center of attention or being forced to carry half the conversation. Choosing some sort of activity like bowling or miniature golf provides the opportunity for a few laughs, and gives everyone something to do and talk about. If your guy is into you, you'll know right away by how he interacts with you. If things don't go well, you've got your friends as a safety net and it doesn't sting as badly as a dinner date gone wrong.

Show him respect by keeping his confidence. Quiet guys are usually private and keep their personal lives to themselves. Don't tell everyone in school or the office about your flirtations or first date, or any revelations your guy has revealed to you. Once he finds out you've been talking about him, you may lose any chance you have with him.

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  • Follow these steps slowly. It's great to show interest, but don't walk up as a total stranger and give him a 20-minute dissertation on all that you learned of his favorite rock band. There's nothing wrong with limiting your first few interactions to flirtatious glances, and then gradually moving up to a casual question or two the next time you meet. Women like the mystery of a quiet guy, so learn from that and keep some of your own mystery to intrigue him.


  • Remember that you can't force anyone to like you. If the guy doesn't respond to your initial advances, or seems outwardly uncomfortable by them, then back off. There's nothing wrong with getting a guy to notice you or trying to gain his admiration. If he's worth the effort, he'll let you know by returning the interest you've shown him. When you get ignored or rejected, it's time to give up and find someone else who will appreciate your efforts.

About the Author

Valerie David has been a professional writer for over a decade, composing articles for,, IMDB, and her own TV news blog. She has also been published in fiction, with short romantic stories and a manga comic script. David holds a Bachelor of Arts in English, with extensive background as a research librarian.

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