Reasons for a Man to Turn Women Down

A pensive woman contemplating her relationship with her boyfriend.A pensive woman contemplating her relationship with her boyfriend.

You think that he likes you, but he brushes you off when you ask him to hang out, or he pushes away your amorous affections. When a man turns a woman down, he may do so for a variety of reasons. While the readiest explanation may be that he's just not that into you, there is a chance that the guy is nervous, not ready for a relationship or has issues of his own that make him say no.

He's Insecure, and You're Not

Some -- but not all -- men are shaken by strong women, according to couples therapist Sonya Rhodes in the article "Should You Tone Yourself Down to Get a Man?" for Psychology Today. If you have a high-powered career, or are super assertive or completely confident, he may turn you down for fear that he'll never measure up. This doesn't mean that you should give up your confidence and play the role of the helpless female. Keep in mind that the problem is his, and not yours. His insecurity may outweigh any efforts that you make to connect. You may want to reconsider trying to start a relationship with a man who feels threatened by your success.

Past Problems

If he's not over his past relationship, moving on with you may be a no-go. Men who've been hurt by a previous partner may feel anxious about jumping back in and starting something new, according to marriage and family counselor Marie Hartwell-Walker in the Psych Central article "Boyfriend Can’t Move on From Past Relationship." Turning you down may have very little to do with you, and more to do with his ex. If he hasn't gotten over her yet, or she's left him scared and scarred, he may not want to take on the risk of a new relationship.

Needy Nelly

From moment one, you cling to him like peanut butter on jelly. You call him, text him and follow him on every social media outlet that he belongs to. While you might look at this behavior as acting interested, he may see it as needy. Neediness is a vicious cycle in which the more you cling to him, the more you may feel that you have to, according to clinical psychologist Jack Ito on his website. Acting like you need -- not just want -- the guy will push him away. This is likely to result in him turning you down for a date, a relationship or affection.

Jealous From the Start

The two of you just met, and another girl crosses his path. His eyes glance over to her and you get icy. Jealousy -- whether it's at the beginning of a relationship or well into it -- isn't exactly a turn on. When a woman acts possessive from the start, she may turn the man away and make him want her less. While you might think of your actions as cautious, he may view them as suspicious. This doesn't mean that you have to full-on trust a guy from the get-go for him to want to date you. Instead, temper your caution by cultivating a sense of openness via honest and frequent communication.

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About the Author

Based in Pittsburgh, Erica Loop has been writing education, child development and parenting articles since 2009. Her articles have appeared in "Pittsburgh Parent Magazine" and the website PBS Parents. She has a Master of Science in applied developmental psychology from the University of Pittsburgh's School of Education.

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