If you're truly ready to sever ties with your ex, you have to be in the right frame of mind. In other words, you cannot be partially dedicated to this process. Partial dedication will lead to failure and vulnerability, so you must be set on moving on and living a happy life without your ex before you can sever any ties.
Consider counseling. Getting into the right frame of mind is probably the most difficult part of severing ties with your ex. As a result, you might need a little extra help. Make an appointment with a counselor and discuss your issues. Explain the situation to your counselor, and express your desire to move on. Your counselor will guide you along the way and help you firm up your intentions so you can cut those ties with your ex.
Eliminate contact with your ex. Filter emails, ignore text messages and don't pick up her phone calls. Most email services and programs allow you to filter out emails from specific senders. You don't have to delete them; instead, you can route your ex's emails to a folder separate from your main inbox. While it may sound silly, changing your ex's ringer to silent and disabling alerts for text messages from your ex may help. Eventually, you will see he called, but it won't disrupt your day because you have more control over when you see those contact attempts.
Choose when to allow contact. In an ideal world, we all could completely eliminate contact with our exes, but if you have children or work together, this is impossible. Take control by deciding when contact is allowed. For example, if you need to discuss something pertaining to your kids, set up a time with your ex to do so. Unless it's an emergency situation, this should work well, allowing you to prepare mentally for the situation and preventing contact from your ex suddenly ruining your day. .
Keep yourself busy. When you are trying to get over an ex and have eliminated or reduced contact, you will have more free time on your hands than you'd been used to. Take this time to do things you love and to focus on what is important to you. It can include spending time with your kids, focusing on friendships or participating in recreational or personal activities such as going to the gym, classes or church activities. Staying busy provides a positive distraction because you are participating in self-fulfilling activities.
Know your vulnerabilities. When you have ended a relationship and are trying to move on, you inevitably will have vulnerable moments. Being aware of their triggers can help you prevent rash actions, such as contacting your ex or lamenting over the failed relationship. When you feel vulnerable, confide in a supportive friend and vent your emotions, or find an online message board or chat room that focuses on exes and breakups.
Things You Will Need
- Friends Journal Counselor Extracurricular activities Internet connection
- Write down your emotions and feelings in a journal. This will help you get over your ex and release your emotions. In addition, you can share your journal with your counselor.
- Don't "drunk dial." If you go out with your friends and have a few drinks, keep your phone at a distance. Under the influence, people tend to call their exes and make fools of themselves.